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He’s just not man enough: The social expectation of masculinity

19 November 2021 | Story Nontombi Velelo | Photo Supplied

Nontombi Velelo is a PhD candidate and Lecturer in the Department of Sociology at the University of the Free State (UFS).

Current reports related to gender reflect and emphasise the negative impact of gender on society — especially the negative impact of men and masculinity in society. Studies are conducted to understand the root(s) and triggers of men’s social conduct/misconduct. Without a doubt, men are often guilty of causing some of the social ills. However, we often do not acknowledge and recognise the pressures and challenges that society presents to men. In most instances, the focus in reporting is on their conduct/misconduct. Less attention is given to interrogating and reflecting on how masculine notions are formed and subsequently practised, and the influence of social settings on these processes.

It is worth pointing out that masculinity is not a static entity – it is flexible, evolving, and adapts to different contexts. However, there is a struggle between upholding the traditional practices of masculinity and the desire for modern and liberal practices of masculinity. The concept of ‘traditional’ masculinity is frequently used when investigating the construction and practices of masculinity. This concept is often understood as the opposite of the modern representation of masculinity. Yet, it refers to what is considered to make a man a ‘real’ man – attributes such as independence, self-sufficiency, heterosexuality, physical toughness, and emotional restrictedness. These attributes highlight the ideas of masculinity embedded in traditional ideology, rules, and norms. We often expect men to possess these attributes, particularly independence, self-sufficiency, and emotional restrictedness. Without a doubt, these expectations present challenges for men. Men are less likely to express their feelings – they are also not expected to express their emotions. Besides, men are not as expressive as women and the signs of mental illness are not the same as those in women. Though we expect men to man-up and demonstrate strength when confronted with challenges, we are not aware of the damage this may cause to their mental and emotional well-being. According to the World Health Organisation (2021), South African men are more than four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Of more than 6 000 cases of suicide, 5 138 were men, which translates to 21,8 per 100 000. This indicates the need to unlearn the damaging expectations of gender.

Men’s socio-economic and socio-political positions influence how they view and practise their masculinity. Though Statistics South Africa (2021) reported that 32,4% of men are unemployed (compared to 36,8% of unemployed women), South African men living in poverty find themselves in a stressful climate, as they are unable to live up to their and others’ ideas of ‘successful masculinity’. To a large extent, men are still expected to assume the role of financial provider. Failure to adhere to these expectations may result in one’s masculine traits not being recognised or acknowledged. In some cases, men are considered ‘less of a man’ since they cannot fulfil the expectation of financial provision. This, subsequently, affects their interaction and relationships with other men, women, and children.

Apart from the societal expectations, we need to pay attention to the socialisation process within the family. A family is a training ground where members are trained and taught about desirable and undesirable behaviour and expectations of others. Within the family structure, men and women are socialised to internalise and accept toxic gender roles – one being the use of violence. Violent behaviour is often associated with normal ‘boyish’ behaviour; therefore, it is perceived to be expected of a boy child to resort to violence. It is expected of a boy child to retaliate/fight back when facing conflict. Consequently, violence is viewed as a measure to correct behaviour associated with disobedience or challenging masculine authority. The Mail & Guardian reported in 2020 that one in five women in South Africa experienced violence at a partner’s hands. South Africa has witnessed an increase in gang rapes, most of the first-time rape offenders being teenage boys (SafeSpace, 2021). Teenage boys are not only members of society but also members of the family. This does not imply that parents are responsible for the acts of their children. However, it demonstrates the need to interrogate and challenge the socialisation process as far as gender roles and expectations are concerned. Regardless of the mentioned challenges associated with masculinity, there are individual men in society who have invested efforts to transform the masculine scripts and to cultivate positive male attributes. These are men who strive to be good citizens, husbands, fathers, brothers, and uncles. Unfortunately, the efforts invested by these individual men tend to be disregarded in society, since the focus is always on unpacking and reflecting the toxic actions and attributes of men.

Commemoration of International Men’s Day

International Men’s Day commemorates the positive contribution of men to their world, families, and communities. The day aims to create awareness around the well-being of men. As we celebrate this day, it is important to recognise and acknowledge male pain. Society often disregards male pain and focuses on male privilege.

Furthermore, recognising ways in which men are hurt by rigid gender roles and expectations and social settings where these roles and expectations are practised, does not imply disregard for the struggle and oppression of women. With the 2021 slogan being ‘Better relations between men and women’, I am reminded of the third wave of feminist scholars who pointed out that society is experiencing a crisis embedded in patriarchal masculinity rather than masculinity itself. There is a need to sensitise men and women to the dangers of patriarchy, particularly for men. It is also important to encourage men to construct their own identities that are different from those prescribed by patriarchy. Although most men might not be oppressed by sexism in ways similar to women, we need to pay much closer attention to how men suffer the consequences of sexism. It is worth recognising that men do not derive the common benefits from sexist oppression, since they do not hold a common social position. It is important to acknowledge the role of individual men in changing the masculine narrative. May we recognise such individuals in our homes, workplaces, and communities. There is a need to unlearn the damaging patriarchal expectations of gender.

News Archive

SRC Inauguration speech: 22 January 2005

2005-01-22

Campus Head (Prof Peter Mbati). Dean of Students (Dr Natie Luyt). Deputy Director: Student Affairs and my boss (Mr. Teboho Manchu), Members of the University executive and Academic staff members, SRC members, Leaders of trade Unions and Student organizations, Distinguished guests, Ladies and gentlemen, most importantly first entering students and Parents receive my heartfelt revolutionary greetings.

Let me extend my word of appreciation to our distinguished guests for adding value and dignity to this event. Your presence here means a lot to us. Program Director what I bring here with me, assisted by facts, and is therefore just the work of my imagination. Like a love letter addressed to a sweetheart miles away, even though you do not know how she feels, what she wants to hear, and do not even know how her face looks like.

To me a speech is just an honest and intimate conversation. That is why I got into the habit of establishing a dialogue, or a debate, with my acquaintances looking at their faces and trying to persuade them of what I am telling them.

Mr. Speaker and Madam Deputy Speaker of the Student Parliament we are gathering at this ceremony, significantly few weeks after the release of grade 12 results, with the exception of those from Mpumalanga because of fraud. The Grade 12 results also show that only 18% of Black learners matriculated with exemptions, as compared to 53, 6% of white learners. This is an indication that our education system needs an overhaul.

We are also gathered here significantly a day after the management retreat held in Bloemfontein, Masselspoort. The retreat discussed, among other things, the transformation agenda, and some possible solutions to challenges we are facing now.

Most regrettably, we are gathered here when the whole world morns the victims of Tsunami tragedy. Let me therefore tore the line and convey our deepest condolences, from the last robot of my heart, to the affected families. Our hearts and thoughts will always be occupied by this horrified tragedy.

Creating a new Institution

I would submit, for purposes of debate and discussions that this Institution should strive to specialize and excel in regional rural development studies. Since our higher education, institutions in South Africa are generally weak in rural development studies. Instead, most of them tend to have an urban orientation to their programmes. Training everybody for the cities, big business and the private sector. This is a big weakness in a country with such large rural areas and population trapped in poverty, disease and ignorance.

Women’s studies

Program Director, it is only a moron who can argue against the fact that for us to reposition the institution around the regional development challenge, we need to start first with women empowerment. It is a fact that in most of our poor communities and families, it is women who withstand the worst of poverty. They are the ones who daily have to wipe tears from children who are hungry. It is women who look after the sick, the elderly, those dying from AIDS and the jobless. They are the one who have to fetch water, make fire and cook. There can therefore be no rural development studies without women studies, in particular on how to empower them and assist in the provision of basic services, so that they are relieved from some of the burdensome task of the society.

Registration Process

Mr. Speaker and Madam Deputy Speaker of the Student Parliament let me indicate that the registration is a process and not an event, so it cannot be concluded overnight. This huge process demands for people to stay calm, as there is no crisis. People should stop being excited. At the same time, no organization should use its cheap popularity and unilaterally disrupt the continuous and smooth running of the registration process at hand.

Let me strongly indicate, madam deputy speaker, that I am on record for stating that I have forgiven all those who have wronged us. I harbour no bitterness towards the protagonists of our painful and unfortunate events of the past week. And we will overcome this process not by our own devices but by the help of Almighty God and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Concerning registration of first years, we have programs, concerning that of senior students, we have programs, regarding graduations we have programs, and concerning HIV\AIDS we have programs. So, there is no need for people to press panicking buttons.

Mr. Speaker and Madam Deputy Speaker of the Student Parliament let me be opportunistic and welcome the entire student body on Campus for the academic year 2005. May our lovely first entering students have a happy and momentous year as part of Qwaqwa Campus of University of the Free State. May your studies be fruitful and enjoyable.

Student years are generally the happiest years of your life, so please make the most of them. While you are doing, all your preparations bear in mind that University is not an opportunity, it is just creating opportunities for a person.

On behalf of SRC members, our people, our students and management members I would like to welcome you all. Even though your parents are far away, here at Uniqwa you have more brothers, more sisters and more parents. Since we will love you with the same love as if we are from one family, and I have no doubts that management members will love and care for you as if you are their own children. Should you encounter any problem while studying at the Qwaqwa Campus of University of the Free State do not hesitate to contact us at the SRC offices because we need to ameliorate any factor influencing you negatively while on campus. I wish you well in the attainment of your academic pursuit.

Senior Students: We are not faced with just a new year but another academic year where we all have to work together to achieve our common goal of building our Institution through the development of human power. I urge you to invest your whole selves in this SRC.

For quite some time now, a debate has been ranging as to, whether has there been any progress in this incorporation process, or we are just moving with no direction. This debate is important, but I hasten to add not essential. The SRC is also involved in this debate, but with definite shift in emphasis. For us it is not important to participate in the debate than it is in finding solutions for the challenges of this new chapter in the history of humankind.

To my colleagues: Comrades, we are leading this Institution with a sense of pride and duty, and I know very well that we lead men and women, students who are determined to ensure that we all reach our destination safely and on time.

I said in one of our meetings that there are more enemies on our way, more than we can imagine. I think you witnessed that during the course of this week. The excitement and unnecessary confusions caused by some confused and loosed charlatans bear testimony to my statements. We should not reveal our game plans unless we are ready to slam.

Let me also borrow from the words of the late Albert Lethuli when he said and I quote: “There remains before us the building of the new land, from the ruins of the old narrow groups, a synthesis of the rich cultural strains which we have inherited. The task is immense”. Lastly, a navy divided within its ranks will be vanquished and destroyed by the enemy, but a navy united in purpose and action, loyalty and commitment will not drawn but sail on to victory.

In conclusion, let me call upon all political structures, church denominations, developmental structures, clubs, societies and forums to put aside all their differences, ideological insinuations and forge unity towards transforming Qwaqwa Campus of University of the Free State into an institution that is seen playing vigilant role in developing students academically, politically, socially, spiritually, religiously, culturally and otherwise.

Program Director, let me end my speech by indicating that every drop of my blood is telling me that Uniqwa is my home. I firstly became a student here, I became an activist here, I became a leader here, I became a president here, I will become a graduant here and hopefully I will become an employee here. So never, doubt my commitment towards the community of this campus.

Please be informed, in a central University of Technology’s way, that if there is no UNIQWA in HEAVEN, then I am not GOING.

Let us broaden the social base.

Tello Titus Wa-Motloung President General

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