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12 December 2018 | Story Mothepane Lebopo

The door closed. My eyes opened.

My dreams were halted as I sat up. She was already outside my window, the midnight moonlight lit her skin and erasing my fingertips on her arms. I opened the window… cold truth blew in. It stung my heart. She was going.

“Seriously? After four months this is how you are going to leave?”

Silence.

She was trying to control her breathing, to keep it as flat as possible. She had a unique, annoying gift of being able to compose herself in such situations, especially when she knew it was needed.

She stared at me.

My heart was pounding against my chest. In anger. In desperation. It had settled on her, but clearly she wouldn’t let me get close to hers.

I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped away the second one. She just stared…

She could have been looking at me, thinking of other things. With her you never knew. She turned.

“Wait, please wait. Did you ever love me?”

She stuck her tongue out and left.

And I knew that was it: we were over. Thinking back, I might have known for a while that it was coming. But still… being prepared for something doesn’t guarantee your heart won’t break when it actually happens.

I left the window open, slightly. My head was spinning and my heart was tearing.

I laid on what was supposed to be our bed and dug my head in a pillow in an attempt to block out reality. It was useless; warm liquid from my broken heart poured out through my eyes. All I could smell was her.

But what was I expecting? It could never work. We were two puzzle pieces from different sets. Two pieces that were never supposed to fit… We tried to force it, and it ended in pain.

She was such an odd person. She had this ‘forbidden love’ thing about her. Being hers was strange, I knew she wasn't mine but I still tumbled head over heels. Being with her was like cheating on a diet. Or texting when you’re supposed to study.

She had beautiful, wild eyes that had perhaps seen too much. She got high on other people’s vulnerability. When her arms locked around me, she wasn’t just holding me, she was searching for pain. Insecurity. She would pin me down and kiss my nose. When she felt my guard coming up, she would tickle me and my power would leave me and enter her. She always won.

Often we’d try to watch the stars. I could never concentrate, her beauty was fierce and demanded undivided attention. She couldn’t focus either. She looked at the stars, not for their beauty, but for adventure. She looked at them as a guide.

I felt her hot blood in her embrace, she had to move to keep cool. There was rarely a still moment. Always dancing. Always moving.

I guess that’s what attracted me to her. I made her my adventure. I wanted to see what she had seen. I told her I was happy where I was but in reality I wanted to go everywhere she went. Wherever the stars would take her.

My lips only met hers when she was drunk. Perhaps she didn’t want to remember showing a little bit of emotion, being a bit vulnerable in front of me. But even then she rarely shared her thoughts with me.

So her secrets are still with her, while she knows mine.

That wild girl, may I never hold her again. She said she didn’t like it. She wanted to feel liberated. And my arms didn’t offer her that.

The girl with a storm in her heart had started a fire in mine and left.

I look out the window, where she had been standing. I almost smiled. What was I thinking?  Thinking I could fix her? Whether I love her or hate her, it makes no difference because she’s not here. She’s not coming back.

I will never know what exactly she wanted with me. But I’ll grow wiser from this.

You can’t teach someone who’s power hungry to surrender. You can’t mould someone who despises being held. You can’t put out a wild fire. Don’t try to pick wild flowers, because their thorns will pierce your skin and then they will wither because of your blood. But their scent will linger forever.

Now I know. You can’t tame someone who is wild. You shouldn’t offer your heart to someone who has sold her soul to adventure.

Don’t try to love someone who can’t be still.

 

News Archive

Two Kovsie women involved in international sports events
2012-05-14

 

Hetsie Veitch and Ebeth Grobbelaar
Photo: René-Jean van der Berg
14 May 2012

The organisers of two international sports events will depend on the expertise of two Kovsie women to make the events a major success.

The honour to be involved in international sports event has befallen Ms Hetsie Veitch and Ms Ebeth Grobbelaar.

The honour is the result of many years’ hard work and devotion in their respective fields.

In June, when the USA chooses the team to represent it at the 2012 Paralympic Games in London, Ms Veitch will be one of the classifiers who will determine in which categories athletes may compete.

Ms Veitch, Head of the Unit for Students with Disabilities at the University of the Free State (UFS), has been invited to be a member of the Classification Panel at the final USA Paralympic athletics trials. The trials take place from 27 June to 1 July 2012 in Indianapolis, Indiana, in the USA.

Ms Veitch and four other classifiers, two from Brazil, one from Canada and one from the USA, will test and verify the international classification status of the American athletes. No athlete will be allowed to take part without their classification being verified by the panel.

Ms Veitch, who recently achieved the status of International Paralympic Committee (IPC) Athletics Classifier, the highest achievement for a classifier in sport for the disabled, said that this category of sport has always been her passion.

“To have the opportunity to be involved in the classification of the USA team for the London 2012 Paralympic Games is a huge honour. I am going to start working on being chosen for the official IPC classification panel for the 2016 Paralympic Games in Brazil.”

Ms Grobbelaar, Assistant Director of the South African Testing Laboratory for Prohibited Substances at the UFS, was invited to be involved in the Drugs Control Centre in the unit against prohibited substances which will test sportsmen and women during this year’s Olympic Games in London.

Ms Grobbelaar said that even though the future of sportsmen and women would be in her hands, she is totally capable of carrying out the task that awaits her.

“I will be part of the laboratory team who will test the athletes’ samples for prohibited substances. I was part of the South African team who tested samples in our own laboratory in 2010 during the FIFA Soccer World Cup, as well as for the All Africa Games. The task is one I perform every day in our own laboratories. Each sample that I analyse determines an athlete’s future. The circumstances during the Olympic Games are different, but the work remains the same.”

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