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12 December 2018 | Story Mothepane Lebopo

The door closed. My eyes opened.

My dreams were halted as I sat up. She was already outside my window, the midnight moonlight lit her skin and erasing my fingertips on her arms. I opened the window… cold truth blew in. It stung my heart. She was going.

“Seriously? After four months this is how you are going to leave?”

Silence.

She was trying to control her breathing, to keep it as flat as possible. She had a unique, annoying gift of being able to compose herself in such situations, especially when she knew it was needed.

She stared at me.

My heart was pounding against my chest. In anger. In desperation. It had settled on her, but clearly she wouldn’t let me get close to hers.

I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped away the second one. She just stared…

She could have been looking at me, thinking of other things. With her you never knew. She turned.

“Wait, please wait. Did you ever love me?”

She stuck her tongue out and left.

And I knew that was it: we were over. Thinking back, I might have known for a while that it was coming. But still… being prepared for something doesn’t guarantee your heart won’t break when it actually happens.

I left the window open, slightly. My head was spinning and my heart was tearing.

I laid on what was supposed to be our bed and dug my head in a pillow in an attempt to block out reality. It was useless; warm liquid from my broken heart poured out through my eyes. All I could smell was her.

But what was I expecting? It could never work. We were two puzzle pieces from different sets. Two pieces that were never supposed to fit… We tried to force it, and it ended in pain.

She was such an odd person. She had this ‘forbidden love’ thing about her. Being hers was strange, I knew she wasn't mine but I still tumbled head over heels. Being with her was like cheating on a diet. Or texting when you’re supposed to study.

She had beautiful, wild eyes that had perhaps seen too much. She got high on other people’s vulnerability. When her arms locked around me, she wasn’t just holding me, she was searching for pain. Insecurity. She would pin me down and kiss my nose. When she felt my guard coming up, she would tickle me and my power would leave me and enter her. She always won.

Often we’d try to watch the stars. I could never concentrate, her beauty was fierce and demanded undivided attention. She couldn’t focus either. She looked at the stars, not for their beauty, but for adventure. She looked at them as a guide.

I felt her hot blood in her embrace, she had to move to keep cool. There was rarely a still moment. Always dancing. Always moving.

I guess that’s what attracted me to her. I made her my adventure. I wanted to see what she had seen. I told her I was happy where I was but in reality I wanted to go everywhere she went. Wherever the stars would take her.

My lips only met hers when she was drunk. Perhaps she didn’t want to remember showing a little bit of emotion, being a bit vulnerable in front of me. But even then she rarely shared her thoughts with me.

So her secrets are still with her, while she knows mine.

That wild girl, may I never hold her again. She said she didn’t like it. She wanted to feel liberated. And my arms didn’t offer her that.

The girl with a storm in her heart had started a fire in mine and left.

I look out the window, where she had been standing. I almost smiled. What was I thinking?  Thinking I could fix her? Whether I love her or hate her, it makes no difference because she’s not here. She’s not coming back.

I will never know what exactly she wanted with me. But I’ll grow wiser from this.

You can’t teach someone who’s power hungry to surrender. You can’t mould someone who despises being held. You can’t put out a wild fire. Don’t try to pick wild flowers, because their thorns will pierce your skin and then they will wither because of your blood. But their scent will linger forever.

Now I know. You can’t tame someone who is wild. You shouldn’t offer your heart to someone who has sold her soul to adventure.

Don’t try to love someone who can’t be still.

 

News Archive

UFS Department of Physics offers unique learning experience with on-campus radio telescope
2015-12-14

Athanasius Ramaila, an Honours student in the Department of Physics, and Dr Brian van Soelen, a lecturer from the same department, in the laboratory where the radio telescope is housed in the new wing of the Physics Building on the Bloemfontein Campus of the UFS. The telescope will be used to expose graduate students to the basic techniques of radio astronomy.
Photo: Charl Devenish

The university this year added a four-storey wing to the existing Physics Building on the Bloemfontein Campus. The new development, which includes four lecture halls and four laboratories, complements other world-class facilities such as the X-ray photoelectron spectroscope and the scanning electron microscope.

A unique asset that distinguishes the UFS Department of Physics from other similar institutions, is the Boyden Observatory situated approximately 27 km northeast of Bloemfontein. The observatory houses a powerful 1.5 m optical telescope, and several smaller, but well equipped telescopes.

According to Pieter Meintjes, Professor in the Department of Physics, the observatory has acquired a new addition - a 0.5 m optical telescope donated by the South African Astronomical Observatory (SAAO) and the National Research Foundation (NRF) to the UFS Astrophysics Group. This optical telescope is one of two powerful optical telescopes used to introduce students to techniques such as photometry and spectroscopy.

“The telescope at Boyden forms an integral part of the Department of Physic’s student training and research programme. Because the UFS is the only university in South Africa operating such a facility, and one of only a few globally, Astrophysics students at the UFS have the unique privilege of having unrestricted access to these telescopes for their MSc and PhD studies,” says Prof Meintjes. In addition, the department has also built a radio telescope as part of a post-graduate student project. The telescope, housed in the new wing of the Physics Building at the Bloemfontein Campus of the UFS, will be used to expose graduate students to the basic techniques of radio astronomy, especially in light of the fact that the SKA is nascent. Prof Meintjes would like to act proactively by grounding his students in the relevant techniques of radio astronomy. The telescope will be used to introduce students to the manner in which radio flux calibrations are performed in order to determine the energy output of an emitting source.

At undergraduate level, the radio telescope will be used, together with optical telescopes in the Astrophysics laboratory, to place students at a high baseline regarding the level of multi-wavelength astrophysics training received at the UFS.

Third-year and Honours students will also have the opportunity of practical training in a research laboratory with 15 computers. The laboratory is equipped with software used to reduce and analyse multi-wavelength data.

“My goal is for the UFS to become the major centre of multi-wavelength astrophysics in South Africa and a key role player in the international arena. To be able to do this, our training should be world class,” Prof Meintjes said.

Aided by its world-class facilities and research, the Department of Physics is competing with the best in the world. Research-wise, a group from the Department of Physics is intensively involved with the SKA Project (Square Kilometre Array), with 3 000 dishes reaching from Carnavon in the Karoo to Mauritius in the Indian Ocean. According to Prof Meintjes, many detailed studies can be conducted with the SKA system of sources, showing major eruptions and mass effluent from the systems. Athanasius Ramaila, a BSc Honours student in Astrophysics at the UFS, has also received a two-year SKA internship, where he will be engaged in the SKA software engineering programme to help with developing software for the telescope.

The UFS Astrophysics Group is focusing on the multi-wavelength study of high-energy astrophysics sources. “This multi-wavelength approach to astrophysics is in line with the recent announcement by government that multi wavelength astrophysics will be the main focus for astrophysics research in South Africa. It is also a very important focus for research in the international arena, as can be seen from the large number of international conferences having a multi-wavelength character,” Prof Meintjes said.


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