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12 December 2018 | Story Mothepane Lebopo

The door closed. My eyes opened.

My dreams were halted as I sat up. She was already outside my window, the midnight moonlight lit her skin and erasing my fingertips on her arms. I opened the window… cold truth blew in. It stung my heart. She was going.

“Seriously? After four months this is how you are going to leave?”

Silence.

She was trying to control her breathing, to keep it as flat as possible. She had a unique, annoying gift of being able to compose herself in such situations, especially when she knew it was needed.

She stared at me.

My heart was pounding against my chest. In anger. In desperation. It had settled on her, but clearly she wouldn’t let me get close to hers.

I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped away the second one. She just stared…

She could have been looking at me, thinking of other things. With her you never knew. She turned.

“Wait, please wait. Did you ever love me?”

She stuck her tongue out and left.

And I knew that was it: we were over. Thinking back, I might have known for a while that it was coming. But still… being prepared for something doesn’t guarantee your heart won’t break when it actually happens.

I left the window open, slightly. My head was spinning and my heart was tearing.

I laid on what was supposed to be our bed and dug my head in a pillow in an attempt to block out reality. It was useless; warm liquid from my broken heart poured out through my eyes. All I could smell was her.

But what was I expecting? It could never work. We were two puzzle pieces from different sets. Two pieces that were never supposed to fit… We tried to force it, and it ended in pain.

She was such an odd person. She had this ‘forbidden love’ thing about her. Being hers was strange, I knew she wasn't mine but I still tumbled head over heels. Being with her was like cheating on a diet. Or texting when you’re supposed to study.

She had beautiful, wild eyes that had perhaps seen too much. She got high on other people’s vulnerability. When her arms locked around me, she wasn’t just holding me, she was searching for pain. Insecurity. She would pin me down and kiss my nose. When she felt my guard coming up, she would tickle me and my power would leave me and enter her. She always won.

Often we’d try to watch the stars. I could never concentrate, her beauty was fierce and demanded undivided attention. She couldn’t focus either. She looked at the stars, not for their beauty, but for adventure. She looked at them as a guide.

I felt her hot blood in her embrace, she had to move to keep cool. There was rarely a still moment. Always dancing. Always moving.

I guess that’s what attracted me to her. I made her my adventure. I wanted to see what she had seen. I told her I was happy where I was but in reality I wanted to go everywhere she went. Wherever the stars would take her.

My lips only met hers when she was drunk. Perhaps she didn’t want to remember showing a little bit of emotion, being a bit vulnerable in front of me. But even then she rarely shared her thoughts with me.

So her secrets are still with her, while she knows mine.

That wild girl, may I never hold her again. She said she didn’t like it. She wanted to feel liberated. And my arms didn’t offer her that.

The girl with a storm in her heart had started a fire in mine and left.

I look out the window, where she had been standing. I almost smiled. What was I thinking?  Thinking I could fix her? Whether I love her or hate her, it makes no difference because she’s not here. She’s not coming back.

I will never know what exactly she wanted with me. But I’ll grow wiser from this.

You can’t teach someone who’s power hungry to surrender. You can’t mould someone who despises being held. You can’t put out a wild fire. Don’t try to pick wild flowers, because their thorns will pierce your skin and then they will wither because of your blood. But their scent will linger forever.

Now I know. You can’t tame someone who is wild. You shouldn’t offer your heart to someone who has sold her soul to adventure.

Don’t try to love someone who can’t be still.

 

News Archive

Academic and security arrangements on the Bloemfontein and South Campuses for the coming week
2016-02-28

All academic and administrative services on the Bloemfontein and South Campuses of the University of the Free State (UFS) will resume on Monday 29 February 2016.

The following academic and security arrangements have been put in place:

1.    Academic arrangements:

It is important to remember that losing an academic week has major implications for all students, particularly for first-year students, and for purposes of academic planning. The university will therefore resume its normal work on Monday 29 February 2016. Losing any additional time will severely disadvantage students, especially those who desperately need the time to catch up with lectures ahead of the coming tests and examinations. Many more students will struggle to complete the academic year if any further time is lost.

In order to ensure that the academic work of the university is not undermined, the UFS will extend this academic term by one week.
This will allow the completion of the work scheduled for last week. Given the impact that disruptions had on the emotions and concentration of many of our students, academics are requested to manage the setting and re-setting of all tests and assignments scheduled for last week with sensitivity, and to be supportive of students as they re-start their academic work.  No student should be disadvantaged in terms of tests or assignments as a result of last week’s closure. We know you would do this anyway, but this is a reminder to all staff of what we expect to be a common approach and understanding on the part of lecturers.

We rely on the leadership of the deans in the seven faculties to support staff and students in dealing with the lost time in the most appropriate manner and in supporting all efforts to refocus energies on the academic project.

As the senior leadership and management of the university, we will continue to do everything in our power to make sure that the academic programme continues uninterrupted.

2.    Security arrangements:
The Bloemfontein Campus is secure and we have more than doubled the security arrangements, with the interdict firmly in place.

The university management condemns in the strongest possible terms the violence that took place at Xerox Shimla Park on the night of Monday 22 February 2016. It also condemns the disruptions of the university that followed Monday’s event, which resulted in the suspension of academic and administrative activities on the Bloemfontein Campus. In line with the terms of the interdict - and now that we are at full capacity to secure this very large and spread-out campus - the university will act swiftly and firmly if any protests or disruption recur.

The following security arrangements are in place:
2.1  Staff and students must have their staff and student cards with them when entering the campus. Passengers in motor vehicles will have to present their cards to security personnel before access could be granted. Security personnel will check this physically by verifying that each person has a valid staff or student card.

2.2  Buses will not be allowed to enter the campus and passengers will have to be dropped off outside the gates - passengers will enter through the turnstiles with their valid access cards. Anyone without a valid access card will have to go to the Visitors Centre and present positive proof of ID (SA ID, passport or driver’s licence).

2.3  Pedestrians will have to swipe their cards at the turnstiles at the gates. Those without cards will have to enter through the Visitors Centre by presenting positive proof of ID (SA ID, passport or driver’s licence).

2.4  Visitors must report to the Visitors Centre (at Gate 5 in DF Malherbe Drive) and present positive proof of ID (SA ID, passport or driver’s licence).

2.5  Due to anticipated delays, it is advised that people allow some additional time when planning their routes to campus and to also make use of the less busy gates, such as Gate 4 (Furstenburg Road) and Gate 2 (Roosmaryn Residence).

2.6  It is advised that walkways be used, especially at night, and that pedestrians should keep to areas that are well lit.

Security helpline: +27(0)51 401 2911 | +27(0)51 401 2634.
 

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