DEFINITION

A divorce is a legal action between married people to terminate their marital relationship. It can be referred to as dissolution of marriage and basically, the legal action that ends the marriage before the death of either spouse. (Meyer, n.d)

MARITAL PROBLEMS

It is almost impossible to define the exact family problems or issues that lead to divorce. Causes for divorce change with age, demographics, whether you were married before, your economic status, any personal attitudes you bring to the marriage, money issues and abusive behaviours. On this page, you will find resources that will help you to understand family issues that often lead to divorce.

  • Marriage Stressors

A conflict in marriage is to be expected, it is normal and even necessary for building a healthy marriage. Couples can handle marital conflict in ways that escalate the conflict or in ways that successfully address them. It is important to learn that when you marry you do not become one mind and should not expect to be in total agreement all the time.

  • Sexual Problems in Marriage

Whether it is erectile dysfunction or loss of attraction for a spouse, most marriages are touched at one time or another by such sexual issues. Marital intimacy bonds a couple together, keeps the emotional connection between them strong. For this reason the one thing couples should not be doing without is sex. If you and your spouse are experiencing problems with intimacy in your marriage, it is advisable to see a therapist.

  • Domestic Abuse

Domestic violence is usually very overt and easy to recognize. Sometimes though, abuse is covert and we may not even realize we are in an abusive relationship.

  • Infidelity

When infidelity enters a marriage, the consequences are devastating. The basic foundation of marriage is trust. Once that trust is destroyed, it is hard to regain.

  • The Passive Aggressive Spouse

The passive aggressive spouse does not fully engage in the marital relationship. They are obstructionists who make it impossible to work through and find solutions to marital problems.

IS DIVORCE THE SOLUTION?

It is difficult to make the decision to divorce. It is difficult to know that divorce is the right decision for you, your spouse and all involved. All marriages go through times of trouble. What you do and how you react to the problems will greatly determine whether your marriage ends or survives?

DIVORCE MEDIATION

Divorce mediation is the process of dissolving a marriage or union in a non-adversarial way. It is a voluntary process in which a neutral third party helps disputing spouses to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution to the conflict. The mediator systematically isolates disputed issues in order to develop options, consider alternatives and reach consensual settlement that will accommodate their needs”. (Filbert and Taylor, 1984, pg.7)

WHY MEDIATION?

  • To avoid a hostile, lengthy and costly legal battle
  • Mediation, as far as is possible, aims for win-win outcome, where both parties feel they have equally compromised on issues
  • Couples are more likely to uphold their agreements when terms are arrived at through mediation as they have themselves made the decisions
  • Mediation maintains the couple’s stature as parents

ADVANTAGES OF MEDIATION

  • It is voluntary
  • Joint decisions are made on issues relating to:
    • The children
    • Custody and access
    • Finances
  • Expensive litigation is avoided
  • The emotional stress of divorce is minimized
  • Conflict is reduced by parties working together

    For advice on divorce & divorce mediation, contact:

    Family and Marriage Society (FAMSA)

    Physical address: 10 Strauss street, Universitas, Bloemfontein

    T: +27 51 522 4199 / 2395

    Further reading:

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