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12 December 2018 | Story Mothepane Lebopo

The door closed. My eyes opened.

My dreams were halted as I sat up. She was already outside my window, the midnight moonlight lit her skin and erasing my fingertips on her arms. I opened the window… cold truth blew in. It stung my heart. She was going.

“Seriously? After four months this is how you are going to leave?”

Silence.

She was trying to control her breathing, to keep it as flat as possible. She had a unique, annoying gift of being able to compose herself in such situations, especially when she knew it was needed.

She stared at me.

My heart was pounding against my chest. In anger. In desperation. It had settled on her, but clearly she wouldn’t let me get close to hers.

I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped away the second one. She just stared…

She could have been looking at me, thinking of other things. With her you never knew. She turned.

“Wait, please wait. Did you ever love me?”

She stuck her tongue out and left.

And I knew that was it: we were over. Thinking back, I might have known for a while that it was coming. But still… being prepared for something doesn’t guarantee your heart won’t break when it actually happens.

I left the window open, slightly. My head was spinning and my heart was tearing.

I laid on what was supposed to be our bed and dug my head in a pillow in an attempt to block out reality. It was useless; warm liquid from my broken heart poured out through my eyes. All I could smell was her.

But what was I expecting? It could never work. We were two puzzle pieces from different sets. Two pieces that were never supposed to fit… We tried to force it, and it ended in pain.

She was such an odd person. She had this ‘forbidden love’ thing about her. Being hers was strange, I knew she wasn't mine but I still tumbled head over heels. Being with her was like cheating on a diet. Or texting when you’re supposed to study.

She had beautiful, wild eyes that had perhaps seen too much. She got high on other people’s vulnerability. When her arms locked around me, she wasn’t just holding me, she was searching for pain. Insecurity. She would pin me down and kiss my nose. When she felt my guard coming up, she would tickle me and my power would leave me and enter her. She always won.

Often we’d try to watch the stars. I could never concentrate, her beauty was fierce and demanded undivided attention. She couldn’t focus either. She looked at the stars, not for their beauty, but for adventure. She looked at them as a guide.

I felt her hot blood in her embrace, she had to move to keep cool. There was rarely a still moment. Always dancing. Always moving.

I guess that’s what attracted me to her. I made her my adventure. I wanted to see what she had seen. I told her I was happy where I was but in reality I wanted to go everywhere she went. Wherever the stars would take her.

My lips only met hers when she was drunk. Perhaps she didn’t want to remember showing a little bit of emotion, being a bit vulnerable in front of me. But even then she rarely shared her thoughts with me.

So her secrets are still with her, while she knows mine.

That wild girl, may I never hold her again. She said she didn’t like it. She wanted to feel liberated. And my arms didn’t offer her that.

The girl with a storm in her heart had started a fire in mine and left.

I look out the window, where she had been standing. I almost smiled. What was I thinking?  Thinking I could fix her? Whether I love her or hate her, it makes no difference because she’s not here. She’s not coming back.

I will never know what exactly she wanted with me. But I’ll grow wiser from this.

You can’t teach someone who’s power hungry to surrender. You can’t mould someone who despises being held. You can’t put out a wild fire. Don’t try to pick wild flowers, because their thorns will pierce your skin and then they will wither because of your blood. But their scent will linger forever.

Now I know. You can’t tame someone who is wild. You shouldn’t offer your heart to someone who has sold her soul to adventure.

Don’t try to love someone who can’t be still.

 

News Archive

Students get practical training in banking
2009-05-13

 
At the official announcement of the ABSA Internship Programme were, from the left: Ms Venete Klein, Executive Director: ABSA Retail Banking, Prof. Helena van Zyl, Director of the School of Management at the UFS, and Ms Christa de Bruin, Programme Leader: Internships at ABSA; back: Tebogo Mekgwe and Chantelle de Coning. Both are Honours students in Financial Economics and Investment Management at the UFS.
Photo: Stephen Collett

The Faculty of Economic and Management Sciences at the University of the Free State (UFS) has launched a unique programme that will give provide postgraduate B.Com. students with the opportunity to work at the ABSA Regional Office in Bloemfontein for three weeks and obtain practical experience on what banking entails.

“It is the first time in the history of our faculty that we are getting involved with a programme of this nature where theory and practice will meet,” said Prof. Helena van Zyl, Director of the School of Management at the UFS at the official announcement of the ABSA Internship Programme this week.

The ABSA Internship Programme was born out of the faculty’s long-standing relationship with ABSA. The programme, the brain child of Mr Deon Loots, former Regional Manager of ABSA in the Free State, offers the ten hand-picked students the opportunity to equip and empower themselves better for their future. They will be working at the ABSA Regional Office from 22 June to 10 July 2009 and will be exposed to as many focus areas of the bank as possible in order to give them a good overview of what banking entails.

“A degree, even an honours degree, is not enough. When graduates knock on an employer’s door he/she already assumes that the student will have a certain set of knowledge. We must once again look at ways to enhance our students’ practical and softer skills in order for them to compete in the labour market,” said Prof. Van Zyl.

“With this programme we want to equip and empower our students and develop their talents. In the end the student must be able to answer the question, “What makes me better than the 27 000 other students on our campus and on campuses elsewhere?” Prof. Van Zyl said.

Ms Venete Klein, Executive Director: ABSA Retail Banking and Visiting Professor at the University’s School of Management stated that it was always good to meet and engage with young talent, the leaders of tomorrow. “The students are entering the world of work at a crucial and difficult stage; a time when financial services worldwide are transformed. They have proven themselves academically. Now they have the opportunity to complement theory with work experience. With this programme they can develop into competent and compassionate professionals. I am proud that ABSA is part of this programme,” she said.

Media Release:
Lacea Loader
Assistant Director: Media Liaison
Tel: 051 401 2584
Cell: 083 645 2454
E-mail: loaderl.stg@ufs.ac.za 
13 May 2009
 

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