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12 December 2018 | Story Mothepane Lebopo

The door closed. My eyes opened.

My dreams were halted as I sat up. She was already outside my window, the midnight moonlight lit her skin and erasing my fingertips on her arms. I opened the window… cold truth blew in. It stung my heart. She was going.

“Seriously? After four months this is how you are going to leave?”

Silence.

She was trying to control her breathing, to keep it as flat as possible. She had a unique, annoying gift of being able to compose herself in such situations, especially when she knew it was needed.

She stared at me.

My heart was pounding against my chest. In anger. In desperation. It had settled on her, but clearly she wouldn’t let me get close to hers.

I felt the first tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped away the second one. She just stared…

She could have been looking at me, thinking of other things. With her you never knew. She turned.

“Wait, please wait. Did you ever love me?”

She stuck her tongue out and left.

And I knew that was it: we were over. Thinking back, I might have known for a while that it was coming. But still… being prepared for something doesn’t guarantee your heart won’t break when it actually happens.

I left the window open, slightly. My head was spinning and my heart was tearing.

I laid on what was supposed to be our bed and dug my head in a pillow in an attempt to block out reality. It was useless; warm liquid from my broken heart poured out through my eyes. All I could smell was her.

But what was I expecting? It could never work. We were two puzzle pieces from different sets. Two pieces that were never supposed to fit… We tried to force it, and it ended in pain.

She was such an odd person. She had this ‘forbidden love’ thing about her. Being hers was strange, I knew she wasn't mine but I still tumbled head over heels. Being with her was like cheating on a diet. Or texting when you’re supposed to study.

She had beautiful, wild eyes that had perhaps seen too much. She got high on other people’s vulnerability. When her arms locked around me, she wasn’t just holding me, she was searching for pain. Insecurity. She would pin me down and kiss my nose. When she felt my guard coming up, she would tickle me and my power would leave me and enter her. She always won.

Often we’d try to watch the stars. I could never concentrate, her beauty was fierce and demanded undivided attention. She couldn’t focus either. She looked at the stars, not for their beauty, but for adventure. She looked at them as a guide.

I felt her hot blood in her embrace, she had to move to keep cool. There was rarely a still moment. Always dancing. Always moving.

I guess that’s what attracted me to her. I made her my adventure. I wanted to see what she had seen. I told her I was happy where I was but in reality I wanted to go everywhere she went. Wherever the stars would take her.

My lips only met hers when she was drunk. Perhaps she didn’t want to remember showing a little bit of emotion, being a bit vulnerable in front of me. But even then she rarely shared her thoughts with me.

So her secrets are still with her, while she knows mine.

That wild girl, may I never hold her again. She said she didn’t like it. She wanted to feel liberated. And my arms didn’t offer her that.

The girl with a storm in her heart had started a fire in mine and left.

I look out the window, where she had been standing. I almost smiled. What was I thinking?  Thinking I could fix her? Whether I love her or hate her, it makes no difference because she’s not here. She’s not coming back.

I will never know what exactly she wanted with me. But I’ll grow wiser from this.

You can’t teach someone who’s power hungry to surrender. You can’t mould someone who despises being held. You can’t put out a wild fire. Don’t try to pick wild flowers, because their thorns will pierce your skin and then they will wither because of your blood. But their scent will linger forever.

Now I know. You can’t tame someone who is wild. You shouldn’t offer your heart to someone who has sold her soul to adventure.

Don’t try to love someone who can’t be still.

 

News Archive

Inter-country adoptions can offer relief
2009-08-12

 
At the occasion were, in the front: Prof. Hennie Oosthuizen, head of the Department of Criminal and Medical Law, UFS; back: Adv. Mariëtte Reyneke, head of the Unit for Children’s Rights and senior lecturer in the Department of Law of Procedure and Law of Evidence, UFS, Judge of Appeal Belinda van Heerden, and Adv. Beatri Kruger, also from the Unit for Children’s Rights and senior lecturer in the Department of Criminal and Medical Law, UFS.
Photo: Stephen Collett 


Inter-country adoptions must not be taken lightly; however, in some instances it is suitable and can bring relief to a child. These were the words of Katinka Pieterse from Abba Adoptions, which specialises in inter-country adoptions.

She was one of the expert presenters at a recent workshop on inter-country adoptions that was recently presented by the Unit for Children’s rights in the Department of Criminal and Medical Law in the Faculty of Law at the University of the Free State (UFS).

Judge of Appeal Belinda van Heerden, an expert in the field of Child and Family Law, gave an overview as well as a Southern African perspective on this controversial topic. The Hague Convention sets international standards to protect children from the inherent dangers that accompany inter-country adoptions. The South African law must be aligned with these international standards by incorporating specific stipulations as well as the Hague Convention into legislation applicable to children. There must also be acted in the best interest of the child, said Judge van Heerden. The authorities have safety measures in place to protect children from these dangers. The starting point remains that inter-country adoptions are only considered once one cannot find suitable care in the country of origin.

Prof. Sheryl Buske from the Charlotte School of Law, North Carolina in the United States of America in particular emphasised the dangers of human trafficking that can take place when inter-country adoptions do not adhere to international safety standards. She also pointed out new developments such as the role of surrogate mothers and the adoption of embryos.

The workshop was attended by a large variety of role players, varying from academics, lawyers, social workers, non-governmental organisations, law students and representatives from governmental institutions. Consequently, light was shed on the topic from a number of angles which will be of value to the respective role players. Jurists from Lesotho also expressed their gratitude for the insight they received.

The workshop was of great value to the university because it served the community with expert presentations on this new and sensitive topic. The guidelines and pitfalls that were discussed and pointed out at the workshop cleared uncertainties and brought new insight to the different professions and role players in the field. Furthermore, the bond between the academia and practice were developed and strengthened by the establishment of further cooperation between the parties.

Media Release:
Lacea Loader
Deputy Director: Media Liaison
Tel: 051 401 2584
Cell: 083 645 2454
E-mail: loaderl.stg@ufs.ac.za  
11 August 2009

 

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