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25 November 2019 | Story Valentino Ndaba | Photo Igno van Niekerk
Rees Mann
Two days before International Men’s Day Rees Mann addressed Kovsies about their responsibility to fight against abuse and rape.

“Half-a-million men commit suicide every year across the world. Men in South Africa are four times more likely to commit suicide than women but we are not talking about it. We try to forget that it exists because we want to assume the role of what society says masculinity should be.” 

Rees Mann, ambassador at the South African Male Survivor of Sexual Abuse (SAMSOSA), made this shocking yet true statement at the first-ever Men’s Breakfast hosted by the University of the Free State (UFS) on 17 November 2019. Mann shared his story of surviving rape and abuse with 140 other men on the Bloemfontein Campus.

The Breakfast took place just days before the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children, a time when the nation will be on a drive to further awareness efforts around the issue.

Redefining masculinity and defying toxic masculinity

As a sexual assault survivor, Mann demonstrated what it looks like to lead by example in breaking the silence. “I still suffer from the consequences of being abused and raped. I have semi-facial dystonia, posttraumatic stress disorder, bipolar and Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder but I manage each one of these issues. I am stronger than any other male who suffers in silence instead of seeing a psychologist.”

 “The sad reality is that when a male commits suicide everybody around him says ‘I didn’t know he was so depressed’ because mental health issues for us males are considered a weakness,” said Mann. 

Having walked the walk, Mann believes that seeking help is a sign of strength. “It is time for us men to take a stand and define our own masculinity,” he added.

Ending a vicious cycle
 

Mann pleaded with Kovsie men to join in the fight against the cycle of violence in South Africa. His fear is that if men do not heal themselves and introspect, the cycle of violence and gender-based violence will continue in this country. “Hurt people hurt people. Toxic masculinity kills not only me but women and children too.”

While debunking the myth surrounding rape victims always transforming into rapists, he acknowledged there is a percentage of males who were raped and abused who go on to become rapists and abusers. However, there are also perpetrators who were never sexually assaulted. The onus, according to Mann, is on all males to fight against these crimes to prevent history from repeating itself, in turn making South Africa a safer space for all who live in it.

Why these conversations are critical

Lemena Thebe, a senior officer at Student Academic Services who attended the Men’s Breakfast, was of the view that dialogue is an essential part of the process in the fight against rape, abuse and violence.

“I realised that we as men need to speak out about our challenges. Whether we were victims as boys or suffered any type of abuse as adults, we don’t have to be ashamed,” said Thebe.

News Archive

Miss Deaf SA inspires UFS teachers with her life story
2009-11-26

Pictured from the left, are: K. Botshelo, Vickey Fourie (Miss Deaf SA) and A. Morake.

Vicki Fourie, Miss Deaf SA 2009 and Miss Deaf HESC, recently visited the University of the Free State to motivate aspiring Foundation Phase teachers by sharing her life story with them.

When Vicki was two years old, her parents found out that she couldn’t speak. Two possible explanations were that she had had an ear infection or speech problems. They took her to a specialist and after a brain scan they found out that Vicki had 97% hearing loss in both ears.

Hearing aids were required and Vicki’s father, Pastor Gerhard Fourie from the Christian Revival Church (CRC) enrolled her in a kindergarten school for deaf children, Carel Du Toit in Cape Town.

However, even though Carel Du Toit’s slogan is ‘Where Deaf Children Learn to Speak’, it was because of her mother’s efforts that Vicki is able to communicate effectively with hearing people today.

Bonita Fourie would sit with her child every single day and teach her how to pronounce words phonetically and how to read lips. It is because of that that Vicki is not dependent on sign language at all.

When she was seven years old, her parents enrolled her in an English A.C.E. school. Even though Vicki’s home language is Afrikaans, her parents decided to go against the norm by placing her in an English school (most deaf/hard of hearing people cannot learn a second language). Today Vicki is fluent in both languages.

“I used to think that my hearing aids are just a normal thing you put on, like using glasses for reading,” she said. “I still think that way. People always come up to me and say, ‘It’s amazing how easily you adapt to hearing people. You have no stumbling blocks or holdbacks.’

“To me it’s interesting because my reaction is always this: ‘God gave me this situation, and I have made the best of it. I’ve overcome it, and therefore I can go forward in life’. We were born not to survive, but to thrive. I detest the attitude of, ‘I’m a victim, so the world owes me something’. The world owes nobody anything! We can be victorious over our own circumstances. It is possible. My name’s meaning is testifies to this: “Vicki” comes from the word “Victory”. I was meant to be victorious, and not a victim.”

Vicki, who is now 20, has achieved so much in life. She did ballet, hip-hop, modern dancing, drama (she even went to America for her dramatic monologue and poetry recitation), and she has published over 70 magazine articles, nationally and internationally. Her dreams are to write books one day, become a TV presenter, and motivate and inspire people all over South Africa through public speaking.

When one hears this story, one cannot help but be surprised by her success. It makes you realize that anything is possible when you see the potential in a child, and then do everything in your power to develop it and draw it out. When you believe in the child that you are educating, that child will sense it and blossom like a flower.

“Courage isn’t a gift, it is a decision,” Vicki said. “There will always be things that try to hold you back. The key to working with any child is to be patient, patient, and patient! Teachers play a huge role in equipping children for the future. It is a big responsibility, but it can be done.”
 

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