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Toxic masculinity under the spotlight at UFS Men’s Breakfast

25 November 2019 | Story Valentino Ndaba | Photo Igno van Niekerk

Two days before International Men’s Day Rees Mann addressed Kovsies about their responsibility to fight against abuse and rape.

“Half-a-million men commit suicide every year across the world. Men in South Africa are four times more likely to commit suicide than women but we are not talking about it. We try to forget that it exists because we want to assume the role of what society says masculinity should be.”

Rees Mann, ambassador at the South African Male Survivor of Sexual Abuse (SAMSOSA), made this shocking yet true statement at the first-ever Men’s Breakfast hosted by the University of the Free State (UFS) on 17 November 2019. Mann shared his story of surviving rape and abuse with 140 other men on the Bloemfontein Campus.

The Breakfast took place just days before the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children, a time when the nation will be on a drive to further awareness efforts around the issue.

Redefining masculinity and defying toxic masculinity

As a sexual assault survivor, Mann demonstrated what it looks like to lead by example in breaking the silence. “I still suffer from the consequences of being abused and raped. I have semi-facial dystonia, posttraumatic stress disorder, bipolar and Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder but I manage each one of these issues. I am stronger than any other male who suffers in silence instead of seeing a psychologist.”

“The sad reality is that when a male commits suicide everybody around him says ‘I didn’t know he was so depressed’ because mental health issues for us males are considered a weakness,” said Mann.

Having walked the walk, Mann believes that seeking help is a sign of strength. “It is time for us men to take a stand and define our own masculinity,” he added.

Ending a vicious cycle

Mann pleaded with Kovsie men to join in the fight against the cycle of violence in South Africa. His fear is that if men do not heal themselves and introspect, the cycle of violence and gender-based violence will continue in this country. “Hurt people hurt people. Toxic masculinity kills not only me but women and children too.”

While debunking the myth surrounding rape victims always transforming into rapists, he acknowledged there is a percentage of males who were raped and abused who go on to become rapists and abusers. However, there are also perpetrators who were never sexually assaulted. The onus, according to Mann, is on all males to fight against these crimes to prevent history from repeating itself, in turn making South Africa a safer space for all who live in it.

Why these conversations are critical

Lemena Thebe, a senior officer at Student Academic Services who attended the Men’s Breakfast, was of the view that dialogue is an essential part of the process in the fight against rape, abuse and violence.

“I realised that we as men need to speak out about our challenges. Whether we were victims as boys or suffered any type of abuse as adults, we don’t have to be ashamed,” said Thebe.

News Archive

UFS Centenary 2004 / 2005 October (centenary) fest Activities

2004-10-08

Friday, 08 October 2004
17:00 – 24:00
Callie Human Centre, UFS
Macufe Rock Concert
With: Rooibaardt, Karen Zoid, The Narrow, F****polisiekar, Stuurbaard Bakkebaard (from the Netherlands), DJ Bob, Ready D, Neva Me.
Cost : R50-00
Bookings : Pacofs (051-447 7772)

Sunday, 10 October 2004
16:00 – 18:00
Callie Human Centre, UFS
Macufe Three Tenors Concert
With: Phillip Kotze, Chris Coetzer and Du Preez Stolz, as well as Angela Kerrison. Free State Symphony Orchestra conducted by Chris Dowdeswell.
Cost :R60-00 (adults), R40-00 (children, scholars, students and pensioners)
Bookings : Pacofs (051-447 7772)

Tuesday, 12 October 2004
11:00 – 15:00
Centenary Complex, UFS
Inauguration of Centenary Complex
Open day with a variety of musical recitals in different rooms
Cost : Free
Enquiries : Elize Rall (051-401 3382)

15:00 – 17:00
Parking area next to the Centenary Complex, UFS
Kovsie Mosaic Day
Collage of the Century, Dance to the beat, Cultural Cartoon,
Who’s line is it anyway?
Cost : Free
Enquiries : Louis Botha (051-401 2819) or
AC Geldenhuys (084 585 3338)

Wednesday, 13 October 2004
19:00
Centenary Complex, UFS
Première of documentary film : The Life and Legacy of King Moshoeshoe
Note : By invitation only
Enquiries : Elize Rall (051-401 3382)

Thursday, 14 October 2004
18:45 – 21:00
Red Square (in front of Main Building), UFS
Centenary Honorary Doctorate Degree Graduation Ceremony
Conferred on: Me. Antjie Krog, Prof. Jakes Gerwel, Mr. Karel Schoeman, Dr. Frederick van Zyl Slabbert, Prof. Saleem Badat, Dr. Khotso Mokhele, Prof. Robert Bringle, Prof. Leo Quayle, Prof. Jack de Wet, Prof. Kerneels Nel (posthumously), Prof. Boelie Wessels and Prof. Jaap Steyn .
Cost : Free. Please RSVP if you would like to attend.
Enquiries : Elize Rall (051-401 3382)

Friday, 15 October 2004
18:30
Centenary Complex, UFS
Alumni Dinner and Centenary Award Ceremony
Approximately 140 centenary medals will be awarded in acknowledgement of exceptional contributions to the development of the University. The award ceremony is followed by the Alumni dinner in the Callie Human Centre.
Cost : R100-00/person
Enquiries : Elize Rall (051-401 3382)

15:00 (to 12:00, Saturday, 16 October 2004),
UFS campus
Reunion : Momentum Adventure and Expedition Association
Including : Setting up of the Kovsie Momentum base camp, champagne breakfast and abseiling.
Cost : R50-00/person for breakfast
Enquiries : Gerrit van der Merwe (072 4317 153) or
Niel Fraser (082 772 5642)
Website : www.uovs.ac.za/associations/momentum_hrcc.

19:00 (to 11:00 Sunday, 17 October 2004)
Reunion : Cantare Revue Group
Including : Formal dinner, budget show, bring and braai, church service.
Cost : R100-00/person for the dinner
Enquiries : Louis Botha (051-401 2819)

19:00 (to 24:00 Saturday, 16 October 2004
Reunion : House NJ van der Merwe
Including : Senior Student’s Association and concerts
Cost : R5-00/person
Enquiries : Tutu Ntlathi (051-401 4122 / 072 865 2227)

Saturday, 16 October 2004
09:00 – 10:00
Committee Room 120, Faculty of Theology
Founding of Theology Alumni Association
Enquiries: Henna Nel (051-401 2669)

10:00 – 12:00
Parking area, CR Swart Building, UFS
Alumni Campus Tour
Including : Visits to the new physical developments on campus
Cost : Free
Enquiries : Jeanette Jansen (051-401 3594)

10:00 – 12:00
Sonnedou gazellie (next to NJ van der Merwe Residence), UFS
Reunion : Ladies’ Tea
Visit our new gazellie and find out what Sonnedou is up to these days.
Cost : R25-00/person
Enquiries : Anne-Marie Delport (072 109 0507)

12:00 – 16:00
JBM Hertzog Residence (garden in front of Senior Student’s Association), UFS
Reunion : Braai
Cost : Approximately R20-00/person
Enquiries : Hattingh Bornman (084 240 5226)

12:00 Vergeet-my-nie Residence, UFS
Reunion : Braai
Bring and braai. We supply the facilities. Bring old photographs and stories. Enjoy Aunt Juls’ last visit.
Cost : Free
Enquiries : Mari Jordaan (051-444 2832/072 392 4444)

12:00 HF Verwoerd Residence Senior Student’s Association, UFS
Reunion : Spit roast
Cost : R60-00/person
Enquiries : Jan-Chris Landman (051-401 3613 / 082 664 6062)

18:30 Floreat Hall, Bloemfontein Civic Centre (Braam Fisher Building)
Irawa 60 Reunion
For all former editors, former and current main editorial staff and coworkers
Cost : R100-00/person
Enquiries : Sanri van Wyk (072 333 1011)
Elzette Boucher (072 180 6265)

19:00 – 24:00 Red Square (in front of Main Building), UFS
Informal Alumni Reunion
Spit roast and stories in a marquee
Cost : R60-00/person
Enquiries : Elize Rall (051-401 3382)

Sunday, 17 October 2004
10:00 – 11:00
Kovsie Church
Church Service

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