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08 February 2022 | Story Nombulelo Shange | Photo Andre Damons
Romantic love is important and revolutionary and a crucial rebellion when done in a way that is genuine and does not cause pain, writes Nombulelo Shange, Lecturer in the Department of Sociology at the UFS, and Chairperson of the University of the Free State Women’s Forum.

Opinion article by Nombulelo Shange, Lecturer in the Department of Sociology at the University of the Free State and Chairperson of the University of the Free State Women’s Forum.


Twenty-first-century dating is a nightmare; trying to find the perfect partner can feel like an extreme sport that will literally end you. Dating apps such as Grindr, Bumble, and Tinder are supposed to make finding a partner easier in the stressful modern world, but they add a deeper layer of complexity that turns unsuspecting lovestruck users into sacrificial lambs when they enter the sea of serial cheaters and broken people who flood the apps. All of this is a giant mess that has been made worse by the COVID-19 pandemic, where going out on a date can be a death sentence. 

 

But even with that said, romantic love is important and revolutionary and a crucial rebellion when done in a way that is genuine and does not cause pain. Considering an interpersonal phenomenon such as love as revolutionary is unusual, but when you consider historical events that politicised love and still have an impact on the ways we live today, one realises that love is one of the most important, relatively accessible acts of rebellion needed to undo some of the injustices of the past. The beauty of love is that it is more within our reach as individuals, compared to other grander revolutionary actions such as free education and land expropriation, which require mass action from citizens or big policy shifts and action from structures such as the state, judiciary, and even the profit-driven private sector. Love as a revolution does not rely as heavily on the slow bureaucracies of institutions, which are unwilling to adequately address injustices. Love just requires individuals to make an active choice to be together and to care for each other in ways that empower the individual and the collective. But as ‘easy’ as it sounds, many struggle to find it, and even those who have it struggle to enjoy the transformation that should come with the bond that love should create. I want to argue that this is in part because of the historical politicisation of love, which has not been unlearned even though we enjoy relatively more freedoms today; instead, this politicisation of love has in some ways become ‘cultural norms’ that we blindly and unquestioningly follow, even to our own detriment.

Love and Patriarchal Culture

Discourse on love and family tends to not enjoy as much prominence in macro-institutions such as economies or states. But understanding micro-phenomena such as family, love, and relationships is important for knowing how macro-institutions work and to make sense of social life. This is in part because the socialisation we receive from our families has the potential to influence how we interact with macrostructures as active agents who influence and can be influenced by structures. Even our leaders and the decisions they make are greatly influenced by their family and community socialisation. Discourse on family started to gain dominance in the 1960s through the rise of radical feminism, which popularised slogans such as ‘the personal is political’ as a way of challenging family values, and particularly the nuclear family structure that perpetuated the oppression and at times abuse of women and children in the family, because domestic issues were not considered public concern. 

But even with this rise, discourse on love and family is still largely lacking or only confined to psychological and feminist discourse. Feminist scholar and American professor, the late Bell Hooks, is one scholar who tries to make sense of social life in relation to love, highlighting its importance and the challenges linked to it. In her 2004 book, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love, Hooks says: 

Every female wants to be loved by a male. Every woman wants to love and be loved by the males in her life. Whether gay or straight, bisexual or celibate, she wants to feel the love of father, grandfather, uncle, brother, or male friend. If she is heterosexual, she wants the love of a male partner. We live in a culture where emotionally starved, deprived females are desperately seeking male love.

She later highlights the reason for the desperation and deprivation of male love. Women and girls are taught to believe that male love and attention are more important than the love of women, while men are taught that love is a weakness. An idea that even very young children are exposed to in fairy tales, where princesses and girls are constantly seeking approval from withholding or absent fathers or need a prince saviour. Men who show genuine love to their mothers, brothers, sisters, friends, or partners risk their masculinity, because part of being ‘truly manly’ is withholding love. 

Historically Politicised Love

Hook’s analysis of love helps us to understand some of the dynamics of how the nuclear family exists, even as it marginalises women. Women are often willing to perform free labour in the home, partly because they are seeking the love they are deprived of. This labour allows their husbands, brothers, and fathers to be productive at work and reaffirms their manliness. The invisible labour performed by women in the home is what allows the workplace to exist unencumbered. In South Africa and much of the African context, this exploitation did not just happen along gender lines, it was racial too. The building of capitalism on the continent rested on the dismantling of African families and the destruction of black love. Your worth was only based on your usefulness as a servant or slave, and how you could strengthen Western structures, from family to economy or state. African men were torn from their families and sent to work in fields and mines, while black women were isolated from their children in order to raise those of white women. Even sex, an important expression of love and pleasure and a way to build families, was used as a repressive tool. It was used for ‘breeding’ slaves to be sold. Rape was used as punishment to correct defiance. Homosexual and interracial love was unthinkable and illegal because it threatened the heteronormative, Western dominance status quo.

Love as Revolutionary Action

Love is important, because it offers abstract and emotional needs such as companionship, caring, and happiness, which can spill over to other parts of life, making us better individuals. Love can also be a lifesaving, poverty-eradicating tool that creates healthier, stronger communities. The cost of living globally is becoming higher and is leading to a shrinking middle class. Having someone to share the load, a home, and resources with, means we can undo some of the challenges that push us into poverty or financial difficulty. You can improve your quality of life and come a step closer to accessing rights and a lifestyle that you might never have been able to achieve alone. For women and people of colour, love is an even more important revolutionary action, since it was never intended for us to receive because of the fear that it would disrupt the status quo that rested on our oppression. When we play the games we play, when we hurt each other instead of forming meaningful connections, we take ourselves back to the state of love deprivation that Hook talks about. This is harmful even to men, especially black men, because to live life fearful of love is to live a life of emptiness that maintains the colonial shackles that were designed for you. 

News Archive

Centenary medals awarded
2004-10-15

Speech, Rector and Vice-Chancellor: Prof. Frederick Fourie

Op 28 Januarie 2004 het ons die honderdste herdenking van die geboorte van hier­die hoër onderwys instelling gevier met ‘n groot partytjie voor die Hoofgebou. Dit was ‘n wonderlike en vreugdevolle aand.

Die historiese prosessie tydens die amptelike opening van 6 Februarie 2004, in kleurvolle akademiese togas, vanaf ons wortels in Grey-Kollege tot by die Hoof­gebou, het die reistog vanaf die verlede na die hede treffend ge­simbo­liseer.

Talle ander eeufeesgeleenthede het gedurende hierdie jaar plaasgevind. Woensdagaand het ons die premiêre van ‘n dokumentêre film oor koning Moshoeshoe beleef – ‘n belangrike eeufeesprojek van die UV wat onder meer gemik is op die ontwikkeling van ‘ n gedeede geskiedenisbesef – a shared sense of history – and the celebration of a very special leadership, of a spirit of nation-building and reconciliation, in somebody like king Moshoeshoe (also MT Steyn and others…)

Last night we experienced a wonderful and moving honorary doctorary ceremony, with a wonderful group of South Africans like Khotso Mokhele, Antjie Krog, Jakes Gerwel, Van Zyl Slabbert, Jaap Steyn, Saleem Badat, and others - giving so much food for thought.

This evening, where we honour outstanding contributors to the development of this University, is a suitable moment to reflect on the course of the first 100 years of the University of the Free State.

1. ‘n Voëlvlug oor die geskiedenis: die vyf fases

1.1 Eerste fase: 1904 – 1927 (Eerste kwarteeu)

Eerste wankelende treë in die totstandkoming van die
Grey Universiteitskollege

Gedurende 1904 – 1920 word die eerste en mees basiese vakke in geestes- en natuurweten­skappe ingestel, eerste Senaat en eerste Raad saamgestel, en eerste geboue opgerig (hoofgebou en manskoshuis). Teen 1920 was daar egter slegs ongeveer 100 studente, die instelling was finansieel in die knyp, met geen vooruitgang en groei, en ook nie ‘n vaste rektor nie – klaar­blyk­lik was die GUK nog geen lewensvatbare instelling nie. Vrystaatse kinders word steeds eerder na ander universiteite gestuur.

Hierna maak ds JD Kestell, rektor 1920 – 1927, ‘n reuse bydrae om ‘n versukkelde, arm, klein universiteitskollege lewensvatbaat te kry. Hy slaag met fonds­insameling en oortuig Afrikaanse én Engelse ouers om hulle kinders na die GUK te stuur. Teen 1927, met 420 studente, word die eerste nederige mylpale van kritiese massa bereik te midde van ‘n steeds armoedige Vrystaat­se gemeenskap en ‘n studentekorps met gelapte klere. [Maar ook die tyd waarin die Reitz-saal, waarin hierdie plegtigheid plaasvind, gebou is.]

1.2 Second phase: 1927 – 1950 (Tweede kwarteeu)

The Grey University College becomes a fully fledged university

By 1950 the establishment of main basic and career-oriented faculties were completed – Faculty of Commerce in 1937; Faculty of Law as wel as the Faculty of Education in 1945. Student numbers reached 1000 in 1950.

Die UKOVS beleef en oorleef die Groot Depressie, die armblankevraagstuk, die Tweede Wêreldoorlog, taal- en politieke stryd onder Afrikaners, en die stryd van Nat vs Sap, ook op die kampus. Die tydperk word veral gestempel deur die taalstryd met DF Malherbe (rektor 1929 – 1934) as sterk kampvegter vir Afrikaans. Veral na 1948 volg rektor Van der Merwe Scholtz ‘n doelbewuste enkel­talige Afrikaanse rigting (Christelik-nasionaal).

1.3 Derde fase: 1950 – 1976 (Derde kwarteeu)

Ongekompliseerde groei ná onafhanklikheid

Hierdie periode word gestempel deur verkryging van onafhanklikheid as universiteit op 18 Maart 1950. Daarna beleef die UOVS onder rektore Scholtz, Flippie Groene­woud en Benedictus Kok stelselmatige groei sonder beduidende finansiële kommer. Die UV is duidelik ‘n Afrikaanse ‘volksuniversiteit’ op Christelik-nasionale grondslag, onlosmaaklik in­gebed in die dominante politieke bedeling van apartheid en afsonder­like ontwikke­ling. Dit is die hooggety van Afrikaner (en blanke) self­vertroue en heerskappy. Vir personeel sowel as studente is dit ‘n relatief onge­kom­­pliseerde tyd getipeer deur groeiende voor­spoed in die blanke en Afrikaanse gemeenskap, goeie werksvooruitsigte vir studente, kommer­lose studentepret, en min spanning op die kampus.

The academic focus is on teaching, especially to provide staff for the growing public service and education sectors. Research has a low profile. More career-oriented or professional faculties are established: agriculture in 1958 and the medical faculty in 1970. Student numbers reach 2000 in 1960, 4000 in 1970 en 7000 in 1975. Many new residences and academic buildings are erected, especially in the Kok-era.

Teen 1976 was die vernaamste boustene van ‘n medium-grootte universiteit in posisie: onafhanklikheid, genoeg fakulteite, genoeg koshuise en akademiese geboue, goeie sport en kultuur. Op die oog af is die ideaal van volwaardige, onaf­hanklike universiteit verwesenlik.

1.4 Vierde fase: 1976 – 1989

Op koers na die jaar 2000: van die statiese na vernuwing

Politieke onstabiliteit en oorgang in die land begin met die Soweto-onluste, die drie-kamer parlement, PW Botha se Rubicon-toespraak, noodtoestande, die ‘struggle’ en opkoms van UDF, en so meer. Die UOVS is swaar onder die indruk van die ‘totale aanslag’ en die regering se totale teen-strategie. Die Universiteit word polities en akade­mies geïsoleer en intellektueel gemarginaliseer. Ekonomies is dit moeiliker tye na die oliekrisis en die begin van hoë inflasie, en die Staat se finansies wat begin knyp.

Academically this period is distinguished by the strong stimulation and support of the research capacity and orientation by rector Wynand Mouton, which leads to a significant growth in research, especially in the natural sciences. The faculty of Theology is establishyed, the Sasol-UFS library erected. Student numbers continue to grow, but at a much slower rate then before.

Twee ander fasette kenmerk hierdie tydperk: eerstens die toelating van die eerste swart studente (nagraadse 1978, voorgraads 1988) en die begin van die era van multikulturaliteit; tweedens, die begin van subsidie- en finansiële probleme en die eerste rasionalisasie van personeel. Albei hierdie is voortekens van ingewikkelde jare wat sou volg vanaf 1990.

1.5 Fifth phase: 1990 – 2004: The turn of the century brings winds of change

(a) 1990 – 1996:

Die Francois Retief era word gedomineer deur die gevolge van die politieke verande­ringe deur president FW de Klerk en die vrylating van Nelson Mandela. Die UV ontwaak tot die realiteit van die oorgang na ‘n post-apartheid samelewing en komende ANC regering. Die eerste versigtige trans­for­ma­sie­stappe word ingestel, multikulturaliteit word die groot uitdaging, en die eerste fasiliterende strukture (bv. die Multikulturele Komitee) word gevestig. Die eerste senior swart personeel word aangestel.

The dramatic decision about the introduction of parallel-medium teaching in 1993 signals the start of multilingualism as well as a significant growth in the admission of black students. Total student numbers are stable at approximately 9000, but black student numbers grow to 36% in 1995. Initially the change to parallel-medium impact negatively on staff teaching load and hence onresearch outputs.

Die inkrimping in staatsubsidie lei tot ernstige finansiële probleme, besparings­pogings, grootskaalse rasionalisasie van personeel in veral die fakulteit Lettere en Wysbegeerte, spanning tussen Senaat en rektoraat oor finansies – en mismoedig­heid onder personeel.

(b) 1997 – 2004:

The time of rector Stef Coetzee and his successor is the era of the new democracy and transformation. At the beginning of this phase Afrikaans parents start sending their children to other Afrikaans universities; residence become half full. Tensions arise between student groups. This is followed by the large breakthroughs in student transformation in 1997, which normalises the situation. The University becomes a leader in transformation. This leads to the acceptance of the multicultural and multilingual character, on a Christian foundation, of the University. The name changes to the University of the Free State (UFS).

Met ‘n finansiële krisis en verdere rasionalisasie van personeel op hande word die akade­miese en finansiële ‘draaistrategie’ in Januarie 2000 geloods. ‘n Drama­tiese finansiële ommekeer lei tot herinvestering in kampus­fasiliteite en toerusting, ‘n toename in personeel en beduidende verhoging in vergoeding bokant inflasie. Terselfdertyd is daar ‘n opbloei in die akademie: innoverende onderrig­programme, e-leer, ‘n fokus op programgehalte. Konsolidering van fakulteite vind plaas, die Bestuurskool word gestig, daar is sterk internasio­na­lisering en groei in navorsing. Profes­sionele bemarking en strategiese kommunikasie verander die beeld van die UV.

Studentegetalle groei dramaties van 10 000 in 2000 na meer as
23 000 in 2003/4; groei moet nou beperk word. Afrikaanse studente keer terug; koshuise kry lang waglyste. Die verhou­ding tussen wit en swart studente op die hoofkampus is rondom 50:50.

The period ends with the incorporation of the Qwaqwa en Vista Bloemfontein campuses, the approval of a new language policy which also established multilingualism in management and administration, and purposeful efforts to consolidate the foundations of an institutional culture of multiculturalism, multilingualism, non-racialism and non-sexism – a culture of tolerance, embracement and justice in diversity. The Centenary is celebrated with harmony and prosperity on the campus in 2004 (although always with a good sprinkling of unexpected challenges and problems).

2. Vanaand bring ons hulde, en sê ons dankie aan, die bouers van die UV

Oor ‘n honderd jaar het honderde, duisende mense ‘n bydrae gelewer tot die UV se ontwikkeling.

Kom ons eer en dank diegene wat, 100 jaar gelede in a baie arm gemeen­skap wat bykans verwoes is deur die Anglo-Boere oorlog, nooit opgehou droom het oor ‘n eie universiteit om die jongmense te dien, om die mense te dien – die arm Vrystaatse mense van daardie tyd.

Let us honour and thank all those who painstaking built this university from very humble beginnings, from the first fragments and embrio of a university – through a hundred years of various wars, of the struggle, of poverty, of bad times but also good times.

In elke dekade, in elke een van die honderd jaar, is hierdie instelling gebou deur die harde werk, idealisme en verbintenis (“commitment”) van leiers, akademiese personeel, steundiens­personeel, dienswerkers. Laat ons hulle eer en dank.

Let us honour the spirit of commitment and ‘vasbyt’, of ‘never let go’, the determination to overcome obstacles, of timely and pre-emptive adjustment to new challenges and new needs, which made that possible.

Kom ons vier en eer die duisende studente wat in die 100 jaar hier was, wat die spesiale tradisies en spesiale gees geskep het van Kovsiekampus, van Kovsie studentelewe – en wat gedurig nuwe tradisies en gebruike geskep (en gepleeg) het, soos net studente dit kan doen.

Let us celebrate the way this University has, in the last 20 years, once again taken up the challenge of transformation and adjusting to new needs, serving all the people, especially those most in need at this time of our history – thereby closing the circle, going fully “from post Anglo-Boer War to Post-Apartheid”.

Kom ons vier, en wees innig dankbaar vir, die wyse waarop hierdie Universiteit in die laaste 5 jaar gedraai het, finansieel sowel as akademies, en die wonderlike periode van akademiese groei en ontwikkeling en verdieping waarin ons nou staan – tesame met die geleenthede wat QwaQwa en Vista Bfn vir ons bied. Hierdie voorspoed sien ons in die nuwe fisiese aangesig van die kampus, insluitend hierdie wonderlike Eeufeeskompleks.

Let us thank God, the Almighty, who has guided this university through a tumultuous century, for always being there for us, for blessing us in so many ways. In Deo Sapientiae Lux

* * *

So: vanaand is ons hier om erkenning te gee en dankie te sê…

Soveel mense het veel vroeër hul fondament-leggende bydraes gelewer, en alles wat ons vandag hier sien, moontlik gemaak. Selfs mense uit meer onlangse jare is reeds oorlede – enkeles terwyl hulle nog in diens van die UV was, ander na hul aftrede.

‘n Bepaalde groep was bevoorreg en geseend om in die laaste ongeveer 30 jaar by die UV betrokke te kon wees, én om vandag nog in die lewe te wees. Dit is van hulle wat vanaand hier is, en wat vanaand Eeufeesmedaljes ontvang.

Geweldige moeite is gedoen om hierdie proses van seleksie en keuring so billik en deeglik as moontlik te doen. Uiteraard is so ‘n proses nie volmaak nie en sal almal nie saamstem met die uitkomste van die proses nie. Groot moeite is egter gedoen in hierdie fase om mense nie verkeerdelik uit te laat uit of in te sluit in die toekenningslys nie, in volle bewustheid dat daar waarskynlik steeds foute gemaak sal word. Onvermydelik sal daar foute wees, of mense wat uitgelaat is. Ons vra daarvoor nederig om verskoning en begrip.

Billikheid, so ‘n belangrike rigsnoer vir hierdie Universiteit, veral in hierdie tye, lei ons ook dat ons oë oop is vir die bydraes vir mense uit alle afdelings van die Universiteit, wat lei tot ‘n bepaalde balans tussen fakulteite, tussen fakulteite en steundienste, tussen poskategorieë, tussen geslag en ras, en individue soveel as mense in spanverband.

In Deo Sapientiae Lux

God bless this university / Modimo o thlonolofatse yunivesithi ena

Khotso Pula Nala

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