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09 September 2022 | Story Angela Vorster | Photo Andrè Damons
Angie Vorster
Angela Vorster is a Clinical Psychologist at the School for Clinical Medicine, University of the Free State (UFS).

Opinion article by Angela Vorster, Clinical Psychologist at the School for Clinical Medicine, University of the Free State.
Twenty-three people will die from suicide today in South Africa. Another 460 South Africans will try to end their lives today. They are from different cultural groups, different income groups, attained different levels of education, speak different languages, range in age from childhood through to elderly, have different genders and sexual orientations. These people have very little in common except that their lives all ended due to the final symptom of an illness. People who experience thoughts of ending their lives describe this mental space as feeling grey. Their thoughts tend to keep returning to the futility of being alive, what a burden they are to those around them, how nothing will ever get better and that nobody can help them. They tend to experience feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, guilt, hopelessness, immense sadness and despair. Their suffering and emotional pain are excruciating. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. There is nothing to look forward to. Everything is difficult, boring, scary or meaningless. Inwardly they are drowning. But very often they smile, do their job and pass their exams, go on dates and vacations, make plans for the weekend and check up on their loved ones. They look happy in their photos. And when someone asks them if they are okay they say yes. Because they don’t feel like they deserve to feel better. They don’t want to be a bother. They might not call a helpline or make an appointment to see a psychologist or go to their GP for anti-depressants. Because they just don’t have the energy. It’s exhausting pretending to be fine all day. The one thought that brings relief is that they can end this pain. And one day they do. And their colleagues, friends and family are left reeling with shock and disbelief. How could this have happened? How could they have missed the signs? What should they have done differently to prevent this? 

The causes are as complex and varied

This is the purpose of World Suicide Prevention Day which takes place internationally each year on 10 September and through which the International Association for Suicide Prevention endeavours to increase awareness of suicidality, as well as to fight the stigma associated with suicide. Wanting to die can occur along with many other symptoms and disorders including, but not limited to, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, psychotic disorders, personality disorders and substance dependence or abuse disorders. The causes are as complex and varied as the manner in which suicidality may present. It is dangerous to regard only certain signs and symptoms as indicative of suicide risk, because we know that suicide can be extremely unpredictable. There is no way to tell if someone is a suicide risk based purely on their behaviour. However there are certain factors which may indicate an increased risk for self-harm. These include, but are not limited to, having previously tried to end their life, having a psychiatric illness, being seriously ill or having chronic pain or the misuse of substances. Experiencing legal, relationship, financial or academic stressors may increase suicide risk, as well as having access to lethal means to end their life along with being unable to access mental health care. 

So what can you do if you think someone may be at risk of self-harm? Say something. Talk to them. Tell them what you are worried about and give them the space to express how they feel without judgment or condemnation. Reach out to their support system and share your concerns with them. Encourage the suicidal person to make contact with a health care professional – this can be a psychologist, GP, psychiatrist, social worker, psychiatric nurse, counsellor or a suicide prevention help line. Other important members of our community who provide a great deal of assistance to suicidal people and their families include religious and spiritual leaders, teachers, support groups and employee assistance programmes. There are actually so many ways and places to receive health care and support; however the most significant barrier to making use of these resources is sustained by the stigma associated with suicide and mental illness. In our culture of toxic positivity where our photos are touched up, our statuses updated and our successes plastered on various social media platforms, the authentic act of acknowledging when we feel defeated, unhappy or like a failure has become a rarity. The more real, honest and vulnerable we can be about our ‘undesirable’ emotions and experiences, the more space we create for those around us to do the same. When we normalise not being okay at all times, we give ourselves and others permission to speak up when we need help. And this is our greatest weapon against suicide – authentic connection.

What suicide is not

We’ve explored what it may feel like to be suicidal, now let’s focus on what suicide is not. Suicide is not a moral failing. It is not because the person was weak or selfish, it is not because their family was dysfunctional or their faith not strong enough. Suicide is the final symptom of mental illness – and every single person is vulnerable to experiencing suicidal thoughts. Each one of us will be affected by suicide during the duration of our lives, either directly or indirectly. This is irrespective of how successful you are, how supportive your family is or how strong your religious convictions are. Dying by suicide is not a shame. It is not a failure. It is no different to a patient dying from any other disease. And just like any other illness there are symptoms we can look out for and treatments and medications that can assist in recovery. 

Please think before you speak about someone who died due to suicide. I guarantee that at least one person in the conversation has suffered the pain of losing someone in this way. But you probably wouldn’t even know, because stigma silences. Stigma disconnects and alienates those who need support the most. Our words have the power to shame and silence, or to empower and encourage connection, which is lifesaving. Treat each conversation as though there may be someone present who is having suicidal thoughts or is working through the loss of someone they love due to suicide. Often we want to reach out and support families affected by suicide, but don’t because we are afraid of offending, or upsetting or because we ourselves are so uncomfortable with mental illness. But all these survivors of suicide need from you is your calm, empathetic, kind presence, a safe space to express difficult and messy emotions. Without being blamed or shunned or shamed. Support suicide survivors as though a terrible illness took the life of their loved-one. Because that is exactly what happened. 

On 10 September this year I encourage you to light a candle and place it in your windowsill around 8pm wherever you are. This is in remembrance of those lost to mental illness and to show your support to those they left behind. In the words of the International Association of Suicide Prevention: “By encouraging understanding, reaching in and sharing experiences, we want to give people the confidence to take action. To prevent suicide requires us to become a beacon of light to those in pain. You can be the light.”

• If you or someone you know is at risk of self-harm please take a look at these websites and call the SADAG suicide emergency helpline.


SADAG suicide emergency helpline 0800 567 567

News Archive

You touch a woman, you strike a rock
2004-11-02

Prof. Engela Pretorius van die Departement Sosiologie in die Fakulteit Geesteswetenskappe by die Universiteit van die Vrystaat het die kwessie omtrent feminisme aangespreek tydens haar intreerede met die onderwerp, You touch a woman, you strike a rock: Feminism(s) and emancipation in South Africa .

Prof. Pretorius het gesê: “Die geskiedenis van feminisme oor die algemeen kan in drie fases verdeel word, waarna verwys word as golwe. Eerste-golf-feminisme (19de eeu) het die fokus geplaas op die beskerming van vroueregte in die openbare terrein, spesifiek die reg om te stem, die reg tot onderrig en die reg om middelklas beroepe en professies te betreë.

Vroeë tweede-golf-feminisme word onthou vir hoe dit moederskap geteoretiseer het as synde ‘n onderdrukkende instelling. Slagspreuke van die 1970s was die persoonlike is polities en susterskap is magtig. Prof. Pretorius sê beide slagspreuke bevestig die idee dat vroue universeel onderdruk en uitgebuit word en slegs deur erkenning van dié situasie kan vroue die strukture wat hul onderdruk verander.

‘n Belangrike aspek van die derde golf van die feminisme-teorie is post-moderne feminisme wat diversiteit en verskille onderstreep. Die poging van hierdie feministe is afgestem op alle vorme van onderdrukking. Vroue van kleur het ook hul ontevredenheid uitgespreek gedurende die derde-golf-feminisme. Die feminisme van vroue van kleur word gekenmerk deur verskeie kwessies en talryke intellektuele standpuntinnames wat neerslaga vind in verskillende terme, soos Afrika feminisme of ‘womanism, sê prof. Pretorius.

Afrika-feminisme dui protes aan teen die wit/westerse geskiedenis en die wit/westerse dominansie binne feminisme. Afrika-vroue het besef dat hul onderdrukking verskillend is van dié van wit vroue en daarom is ‘n ander proses van bevryding nodig. Die Westerse feministiese praktyk om swart vroue by die bestaande feministiese ontologie te voeg, is nie voldoende nie omdat hul unieke ondervindings van slawerny, kolonialisme, onderdrukking deur mans en armoede nie uitgedruk word nie.

‘Womanism’ het tot stand gekom as gevolg van ‘n eksplisiete rassekritiek teen feminisme. Dit is ten gunste van die positiewe uitbeelding van swart mense. Dit word gekenmerk deur kulturele kontekstualisasie, die sentraliteit van die gesin en die belangrikheid daarvan om mans in te sluit.

Die geskiedenis van vroue in Suid-Afrika is verwant aan hul geskiedenis van onderdrukking as gevolg van patriargie. Vroue van verskillende rasse, kulture en klasse het patriargie op verskillende wyses in en variërende mate van erns ervaar. Onder voor-koloniale patriargie het vroue min sê gehad oor huwelikskeuses omdat mans dié besluite gedomineer het.

Die Nederlandse en Britse patriargale erfenis het neerslag gevind in die ideologie van die volksmoeder. Onderwyl dit veral manlike skrywers was wat die beeld van die vrou as versorger en tuisteskepper bevorder het, het vroue self ook hieraan ‘n aandeel gehad, sodat die volksmoeder volwaardig deel geword het van die Afrikaner nasionalistiese mitologie. Alhoewel middel- en werkersklas vroue met dié beeld geïdentifiseer het, het nie alle Afrikaanse vroue die ideologie aanvaar nie.

Onder die Victoriaanse erfenis was Britse vroue beperk to die private eerder as die openbare lewe. Die skeefgetrekte onderrigsisteem wat vroue in huishoudelike loopbane gekanaliseer het, die mag van mans oor hul vroue se eiendom en ‘n tekort aan toegang tot mag en geld het verseker dat vroue by die huis gebly het.

Wit Engelssprekende-vroue het die grootste geleentheid gehad om patriargie uit te daag vanweë hul toegang tot onderwys en die blootstelling aan liberale waardes, sê prof. Pretorius. Liberale vroue soos Helen Joseph en Helen Suzman het ‘n belangrike rol gespeel om in 1930 stemreg vir wit vroue in Suid-Afrika te verseker en het voortgegaan om ‘n rol te speel in die bevryding van swart vroue gedurende die vryheidstryd.

Die feminisme wat onder swart vroue ontwikkel het, was ‘n erkenning van die gemeenskaplike stryd met swart mans om die verwydering van die juk van eksterne onderdrukking en eksploitasie. Swart vroue in aktiewe en onafhanlike politiese rolle het tegelykertyd mans se aannames omtrent hul meerderwaardigheid asook die rassewette van die staat uitgedaag. Daarom kan ons sê dat die feminisme wat hier ontwikkel het, te voorskyn gekom het as gevolg van vroue se betrokkenheid by en toewyding tot nasionale bevryding, sê prof. Pretorius.

Institusionalisering is nie herlei tot magsvoordele nie, want gelykheid is nie in beleidsprogramme geïnkorporeer nie. Die hervestiging van sleutel aktiviste van die vrouebeweging in die regering het die stryd om genderbillikheid verander na ‘n projek wat deur die regering gelei word, sê prof. Pretorius. Ongelukkig word terreine van verandering buite die grense van die regering verwaarloos. Dit kan slegs aangespreek word deur ‘n aktiewe en feministiese stem in die burgerlike samelewing.

“Dit is my oortuiging dat formele instellings vir vroue binne die staat oor die lang termyn slegs effektief kan wees indien daar ‘n effektiewe feministiese vroue-beweging buite die staat in stand gehou word wat die grondslag waarop sosiale beleid gevorm word, kan uitdaag en bevraagteken. Daarom, A luta continua (die stryd duur voort),” sê prof. Pretorius.

Mediaverklaring
Uitgereik deur: Lacea Loader
Mediaverteenwoordiger
Tel: (051) 401-2584
Sel: 083 645 2454
E-pos: loaderl.stg@mail.uovs.ac.za
2 November 2004

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