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06 September 2023 | Story Angela Vorster | Photo Andre Damons
Angie Vorster
Angela Vorster is a Clinical Psychologist at the School for Clinical Medicine, University of the Free State (UFS).

Opinion article by Angela Vorster, Clinical Psychologist at the School for Clinical Medicine, University of the Free State.

If you are reading this you may be interested in better understanding why there is a need for a World Suicide Prevention Day each year on 10 September. For some it may seem morbid, while for others it is just another awareness initiative. But for too many, suicide is personal. You may have lost someone you love in this manner. Or you yourself may be struggling with thoughts of ending your life. If you fall into the latter group you may want to skip over to the very last paragraph, because I know your attention may be waning and your energy may be low. Everybody else, please join me in better understanding the need for awareness of thoughts of self-harm and attempts at ending one’s life.

Mental illness can be fatal 

In most instances dying by ‘suicide’ is more accurately described as dying from a psychiatric disease. Mental illness can be fatal if left untreated and we need only refer to suicide-related statistics to realise the magnitude of this plague in South Africa. The World Health Organisation indicated that South Africa is ranked 10th on the list of international countries with the highest suicide rates, while The South African Depression and AFnxiety Group (Sadag) reports 23 deaths by suicide per day. For each person who dies by suicide in our country; 10 others attempt to end their lives. Up to nine out of 10 people who die by suicide in South Africa had a mental health disease such as depression at the time of their death. If we take a look at these facts, it becomes almost absurd that we still regard mental illness and thoughts of self-harm and the act of causing self-death, as shameful and abnormal. But that is still very much how mental illness and particularly suicidality are viewed in our communities. Perhaps if we are able to really understand what it feels like to feel so terribly sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and guilty that you would rather end your life than suffer through another hour; perhaps then we would be able to create safe spaces for those who feel suicidal to express how they feel. It is only through connection and communication that we can provide the right support at the right time in order to save lives.

The black dog

There are many descriptions of what it feels like to be so ill that death seems the only cure and these vary across cultures and countries. The Black Dog Institute in Australia derived its name from the description of depression as feeling as though a menacing dark dog-like creature is following you around and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t shake it. Winston Churchill used this metaphor to describe times when he felt melancholic, demotivated and down. Now I love dogs, so I imagine this particular type of canine as being almost monstrous, not leaving you alone, but also not giving you anything. Instead of the loyalty and companionship and protection that our pet dogs give us, this dog demands constant feeding, does not allow you any freedom and prevents you from making contact with other people. The moment you start to reach out to someone, this black dog starts growling in the background and you give up or scare them away with your dark mood. And the black beast has you all to himself once again. This type of depression sucks your energy and your motivation. It makes you irritable and tired and isolated. Difficult to like.

Another metaphor for depression is ‘feeling blue’, one which we use so frequently that we have perhaps not stopped to consider where it originates. There are many theories, and all of them quite bleak. One is that the description derives from the human body that turns blue after death; another that ships used to fly blue flags if their captain had perished at sea, and yet another, that Zeus, the Greek God of the sky and thunder, would make it rain when he was sad. Have you noticed how flippantly people comment on ‘the baby blues’ as though this were something almost endearing and expected that is associated with becoming a mother. This while the stark reality of post-natal depression has been highlighted in the recent trial of Dr Lauren Dickason in New Zealand. I cannot comment on the legal aspects related to her case, but what I found jarring was the number of times that she told the people around her that she wanted to die or that she wanted to harm her children. I have worked with many women diagnosed with post-partum depression who describe feeling as though they are drowning. Having nothing to stand on, being pummelled by waves, unable to catch a breath and with no sight of help or the shore. This type of depression is a torturous combination of distress, anxiety and hopelessness where you just cannot stop the negative fearful ruminations swirling in your mind. There is no calm, no silence and no peace.

Feeling nothing 

The metaphor I find most disturbing is when depressed patients describe feeling ‘nothing’. So often people will express feeling empty and their lives as grey. Nothingness. And I am always reminded of the 1980s movie ‘Neverending Story’ where everything that was magical and creative and hopeful had been swallowed up by ‘The Nothing’ – an empty energy that consumed everything in its way. How terrifying it must be to feel nothing. No hope, no joy, no excitement, not even sadness or fear. Just nothing. Blank. And no matter what you do or how hard you try, you just feel nothing. How horrifying it must be to hug someone you love, or have to get up each morning and go to school, or go to work and have to paste on a smile and chat about the weekend while you feel nothing. I can only imagine the desperation to feel something. Anything. This depression is you sitting on your bed and staring at the ceiling for hours. Waiting for it to end. 

Something that stands out to me as a common theme among all of these metaphors is this: if a monster is following you around, nobody wants to come near you. If you are gasping for breath and swallowing water drowning in the sea – there is nobody around to save you. If you float through your days in a bubble of nothingness – you are alone. The antidote to suicidality is connection. It is being willing to spend time with someone who has a growling, slobbering, and mangy stray dog following them. It is listening to someone who is struggling and thrashing, terrified of drowning. It is being brave enough to enter nothingness and to realise that you too could horrifyingly easily feel empty and grey too. Now we need to be cautious. It is dangerous dealing with an angry dog, or trying so save a drowning person or rescuing someone floating off into space. We cannot do it alone and we cannot do it without experts. But the first step is to shout, or speak or whisper: ‘Hello’. ‘I’m here’. ‘I’ll get help’. Without fear or judgement or discrimination. But with the deep understanding that being human is a treacherous thing. And recalling the times when a safe, strong hand reached out to pull us away from danger. Because you see, we are all vulnerable to being followed by a black dog. Or being washed away by a wave. Or being consumed by The Nothing. 

Grab hold of the stretched out hand 

What makes us human is our vulnerability. To diseases of the body. And diseases of the mind. And what makes us human is our willingness to see our own vulnerabilities in others. I will reach out and help you because I too have needed help. So this World Suicide Prevention Day let us tame black dogs and send life rafts out to stormy seas. Let us be the solid ground to tether those who are floating away into outer space. And when we find ourselves followed or drowning or adrift – let us too reach past the snarling and swirling and emptiness to touch the outstretched hands of those who are here for us. Because they are here. We are right here. But in order to be rescued from the attacking beast, or the crashing waves or the airlessness of space, you have to grab hold of the hand stretched out toward you. 

If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings of depression please tell someone you trust how you feel and make contact with one of the 24-hour support lines such as The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) (+27 800-567-567) or LifeLine (+27 861-322-322).

Also take a look at these websites:

News Archive

During 2011: Prestige Scholars Programme (PSP)
2011-12-01

The University has designed the Vice-Chancellor’s Prestige Scholars Programme (PSP) to promote and support the intellectual breadth and depth required of young scholars to pose questions and generate knowledge in their disciplines and hence to occupy the vanguards of contemporary intellectual enquiry. The programme specifically targets members of the academic staff who are near completion, or have newly completed, their doctoral studies.

The goal is to select no more than 100 of the most promising young scholars and to make substantial investments in their development towards becoming full professors. A tailored, intensive programme of support is designated that combines international placement working alongside leading scholars in the discipline of the prestige scholar, with intensive mentorship and support from within the university.

 Description: 2011 PSP_Thuthuka  Tags: 2011 PSP_Thuthuka

Elite young scholars on the Vice-Chancellor’s Prestige Scholars Programme generated R1,2 million in National Research Foundation Thuthuka and Blue Skies funding in 2011 alone. Dr Katinka de Wet in the Department of Sociology was awarded Blue Skies funding for her work on the Hybrid Identity of the HIV/Aids patient. Thuthuka Grant holders Drs Cilliers van den Berg, Olihile Sebolai, Dirk Opperman and Diaan van der Westhuizen work in the fields of German and Afrikaans trauma literature, microbiology, structural and evolutionary biology, and architecture, respectively. This broad disciplinary range typifies the depth and extraordinary range of scholarship present among junior academics at the UFS.


 Description: 2011 PSP_Liza Coetsee Tags: 2011 PSP_Liza Coetsee

Dr Liza Coetsee, a Y2-rated physicist, is the first of the Vice-Chancellor’s elite cohort of Prestige Scholars to submit for National Research Foundation rating. Dr Coetsee works on the latest of the Nanotechnology Surface Science systems housed in our Department of Physics. As Prestige Scholar, Dr Coetsee conducts research on phosphor solar cells. Her aim is to establish a new Phosphor Solar Cell field at the University of the Free State with Proff. Hendrik Swart and Koos Terblans. As a member of the Prestige Scholar Programme, Dr Coetsee will work in collaboration both with colleagues from the Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University and Prof. Eray Aydil from the University of Minnesota and Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Vacuum Science & Technology.


 Description: 2011 PSP_Olihile Sebolai Tags: 2011 PSP_Olihile Sebolai

Dr Olihile Sebolai is one of the 2 Vice-Chancellor’s elite Prestige Scholars and a microbiologist. In 2011, Dr Sebolai was awarded a Thuthuka Grant for his research on the yeast pathogen Cryptococcus neoformans, the cause of life-threatening Aids-defining illnesses such as meningitis. Dr Sebolai considers how cryptococcal lipids mediate infectious processes leading to illness. An understanding of these cellular processes will offer hope for future drug development to combat the scourge of cryptococcal meningitis, annually causing the death of over half a million people in Sub-Saharan Africa. Dr Sebolai is also interested in mapping the prevalence and distribution pattern of cryptococcal meningitis in the Free State. This, in turn, will assist health authorities to manage current infections and plan appropriately for potential outbreaks. The Prestige Scholars Programme, with the assistance of the National Research Foundation, will afford Dr Sebolai the opportunity to pursue his research in laboratories in the United States and India in 2012 and 2013.


 Description: 2011 PSP_Louis Holtzhausen Tags: 2011 PSP_Louis Holtzhausen

Dr Louis Holtzhausen, member of the Vice-Chancellor’s Prestige Scholars Programme, has been named by the South African Sports Confederation and Olympic Committee (SASCOC) as team doctor for Team South Africa during the All Africa Games, the largest sports event in Africa. National teams from African countries participated in 23 sports events. As an esteemed South African academic in sports medicine Dr Holtzhausens’ participation was an extension of the work already being done under his supervision at the UFS’s Sports Performance Unit. Many of the athletes who prepared at the Unit were also part of the team. Elite athletes’ illness and injury profiles are one of Dr Holtzhausens’ research focus areas. The exposure to this group in competition was of great value in the identification and development of research niche areas.


 Description: 2011 PSP_ Chantel Swart Tags: 2011 PSP_ Chantel Swart

The South African Society for Microbiology awarded Dr Chantel Swart-Pistor, a Prestige Scholar on the Vice-Chancellor’s elite programme, the top prize for her PhD during a recent gala dinner in Cape Town. Dr Swart-Pistor accomplished a breakthrough in the field of nanotechnology with The influence of mitochondrial inhibitors on zoospore and ascospore development. Her supervisor, Prof. Lodewyk Kock and co-supervisors, Dr Carolina Pohl and Prof. Pieter van Wyk, also stressed the important collaboration with Proff. Hendrik Swart (Physics) and Pieter van Wyk (Centre for Microscopy), which made Dr Swart-Pistor’s work possible. She has presented her work in Beijing (Medichem 2011) and Philadelphia (Biotechnology-2011). She has been invited to return to China in 2012.


 Description: 2011 PSP_ Lizette Erasmus Tags: 2011 PSP_ Lizette Erasmus

Dr Lizette Erasmus, scientific chemist and one of the Vice-Chancellor’s Prestige Scholars, has just returned from a three-month-long research visit to Prof. Hans Niemantsverdriet at the Technical University of Eindhoven in The Netherlands and the University of California, Davis. Dr Erasmus specialises in heterogeneous catalysis. Her visit to Prof. Niemantsverdriet, one of the global experts in the field of surface science, served to round of existing research. In California, Dr Erasmus visited her mentor, Prof. Bruce C. Gates, as part of the objectives of the Rector’s programme for the internationalisation of young researchers. Prof. Gates, an expert in catalysis, could contribute to Dr Erasmus’ research on the characterisation of heterogeneous catalysis and catalytic reactions. In exchange, her expertise in organometallic synthesis added value to Prof. Gates’ existing research. Their continued collaboration gave availed them of the opportunity for interdisciplinary interaction between engineering (Prof. Gates’ speciality) and chemistry, and promises to contribute to increased collaboration between the two universities in future.


 Description: 2011 PSP_Dirk Opperman Tags: 2011 PSP_Dirk Opperman

Dr Dirk Opperman, specialist in structural and evolutionary biology and National Research Foundation Thuthuka Grant holder, joined the Vice-Chancellor’s Prestige Scholars Programme after his postdoctoral work at the Max Planck Institute (KOFO) in Germany. Dr Opperman is the recipient of institutional seed funding to establish a protein crystallisation unit, which in turn led to the donation in 2011 of a multi-million Rand X-ray diffractometer¬ from the University of the Western Cape to complement his existing access to international synchrotrons. Dr Opperman is spending part of 2011 at the University of Exeter (UK) to further his research into the three-dimensional structures of specific enzymes and their trajectories of evolution to specific functions.


 Description: 2011 PSP_Abiodun Ogundeji Tags: 2011 PSP_Abiodun Ogundeji

Abiodun Ogundeji is a member of the Vice-Chancellor's Prestige Scholars Programme. Abiodun's work was recently recognised when he and his co-authors received an award for the best contributed paper at the 49th annual conference of the Agricultural Economics Association of South Africa on the topic, Impact of climate change on planning and dealing with flood disasters in South Africa: A case study of Soweto on Sea. The paper was co-authored by Prof. Giel Viljoen from our Department of Agricultural Economics and Herman Booysen, as well as Gawie du T. de Villiers, Research Associates in the Department of Geography. Abiodun is currently conducting invaluable research on the quantification of the economic value of climate change impacts and the benefits and costs of adaptation in South Africa.

 

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