Edition 12


 
→  Download edition 12: The Art of (not creating) War
→  Download edition 12: The Art of (not creating) War (AU Version)

 

EDITION 12: The Art of (not creating) War

You know that feeling of frustration bubbling up inside, just waiting to explode? When you feel you just want to shout, swear, or punch something?  Welcome to being human!  

Feeling frustrated is a normal and often necessary emotion. No emotion is bad or wrong. What is important, is what we choose to do (or not do) with the emotions we experience. In other words, it is more often the consequences of our anger that lead to unwanted results rather than the anger itself. 

Anger can be protective and necessary
 
Explore your true feelings – is there something you are not addressing that is causing you to feel frustrated? Feelings such as disappointment and hurt – if not addressed – can often result in anger. Maybe you need to set boundaries (by being assertive) with someone in your life.  

Ego/Self-Esteem 

Become aware of how often you get upset due to people’s comments or comparing yourself to others. Start asking yourself why it matters so much what others think of you. 

Daily Frustrations

Struggling with resources, technology not working, or people not washing the dishes – these can all be extremely frustrating, especially if it all happens at the same time. 

What to do? One of the best ways to manage these daily hassles is to divide them into things you can control and those that you cannot. 

Stress

You are more likely to become angry when you are already stressed. Think of the last time you were late for an appointment. If something negative happens then (such as dropping your keys or not finding your books), you are more likely to get upset than if you had all the time in the world. 

The best course of action is to effectively manage your stress levels. You know what helps you to relax. Sometimes it is a practical solution (such as managing your time), and other times it will be about creating balance in your life (exercising and listening to music). 

Belief systems and perspectives

If you strongly believe that all people must do the right thing all the time or that nothing should ever go wrong – you are setting yourself up for endless frustration. The way we perceive or interpret a situation influences how we feel about it. 

Professor Brené Brown shares that she aims to live her life assuming that everyone is trying their very best. She has no idea if this is true or not, but she experiences more happiness as a result. Developing empathy and cognitive flexibility can thus help you become less angry at people and situations. 

Remember, ALL emotions are normal and welcome. They are there to give us a message. Try listening to them instead of trying to push them away. Your most important action is to choose your response to them. 

For more in-depth information on frustration, tolerance and management, read edition 12 of #WellBeingWarriors below.

EDITION 13:  #AssertiveWarrior@Home

The lockdown may result in a lot of conflict and misunderstanding among us all, mostly due to miscommunication. Therefore, learning to be assertive is essential to becoming a better communicator. If you are assertive, you can express your opinion in a way that is clear and direct, while still being respectful towards others.   

Assertive behaviour can assist in having your needs better met; reducing conflict; managing anger; and building positive relationships with family, friends, and others. Being assertive is not always easy and it doesn't come naturally to everyone, but it is a skill you can learn. Let us start by measuring your current level of assertiveness. 

Six tips for being assertive during the lockdown 

1. Decide to be assertive. Changing your behaviour is challenging. Still, it is essential to decide and stick to your decision. 
2. Agree to disagree. Sharing your opinion doesn't mean that you are right, and that the other person is wrong. But it is essential to state your needs and wants confidently. 
3. Be an active listener. Try to understand the other person's point and wait for them to finish speaking before you respond. 
4. Avoid guilt trips. Being honest and sharing your feelings with others without accusations or making them feel guilty is essential to being assertive. 
5. Be patient. Breathe normally, keep eye contact, relax your face, and speak in a normal voice. Remember, you are still going to make mistakes, but learn from it. 
6. Practise assertiveness. Start by speaking assertively in front of a mirror or with a friend. Use 'I' statements. Stick to comments that include 'I', such as 'I think', or 'I feel'.

It is important to remember that communication is always a two-way process.  It might be easier to be assertive towards your friends than to your siblings, or vice versa. Whether comfortable or not, an assertive response will always be better for you and your relationship with the other person. 

See attached documents for more in-depth and valuable assertive communication skills and tips for you to try.  

Download: #AssertiveWarrior@Home Poster 

Download edition 13: #AssertiveWarrior@Home

Download edition 13: #AssertiveWarrior@Home (UA Version) 

Edition 14




→ Edition 14: Breaking Free: I’m Not a Victim … I’m a Survivor!
→ Edition 14: Breaking Free: I’m Not a Victim … I’m a Survivor! (UA Version))

EDITION 14: Breaking Free: I’m Not a Victim … I’m a Survivor!

Do you often feel hurt and insulted; as though you are not enough for someone; or continuously treading on eggs? If you answered yes to any of these statements, you might be experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse most commonly occurs in romantic relationships, but can also emerge in other relationships, including friends, family, and colleagues. In comparison to other forms of abuse, emotional abuse is often more challenging to recognise, as it can be subtle and deceptive or obvious and manipulative.   

The underlying aim of emotional abuse is to control the victim by isolation and suppression, leaving them feeling trapped in the end – often too hurt to endure the relationship any longer, but also too afraid to leave. Below are a few tips on how to stay safe during the lockdown, especially if you are stuck in the same household with the person who is emotionally abusing you.  

Ways to cope with emotional abuse 
1. Awareness. If you recognise any aspect of emotional abuse within your relationship, it is essential to acknowledge that you can take control of your life by being honest about what you are experiencing.  
2. Prioritise your mental and physical health. Do not concern yourself with pleasing the person who is ill-treating you. 
3. Establish boundaries. Firmly communicate to the abusive person that you will no longer tolerate being belittled and mistreated and explain how things will unfold if they continue with this behaviour. 
4. Avoid arguments. If the abuser attempts to start an argument with you, start insulting you or demanding things from you, do not try to explain, soothe their feelings, or apologise for something you did not do. 
5. Build a support network. Do not be silent about the abuse you are experiencing. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental-health professional. 
6. Work on an exit plan. Based on the situation you find yourself in, you may need to consider ending the relationship. If your partner, friend, colleague, or a family member does not intend to change their behaviour, you will have to choose to leave. 

Remember that you are teaching others what treatment you will tolerate, and at some point, you must ensure that the hostile treatment comes to a stop. The first step you need to take in ensuring that you get out of a destructive relationship is to realise that you are in one.

For more information on how to break free and cope with emotional abuse, read through the full article below.

Download edition 14: Breaking Free: I’m Not a Victim … I’m a Survivor!
Download edition 14: Breaking Free: I’m Not a Victim … I’m a Survivor!